I have to stop letting him get to me. I have to stop caring what he thinks of me!
He doesn't respect me He treats me like crap He bad mouths me to his family He puts down my parenting It's always my fault He has told his kids not to talk to my kids anymore b/c they are no longer their family!
These all all things that bother me. This is what I have had a hard time with this entire time that I have been DBing. I am so worried about what he thinks of me that I let it control me.
Here's an example, when he came to get d7 yesterday she had locked herself in her BR b/c she saw him pull into the driveway and didn't want to go with him. So immediately she ran to her room and locked the door. H came in and I told him where she was. He went upstairs and told her to open the door. After about 10 min she finally opened her door. She was saying "why are you making me go when I don't want to?" "mommy please don't let him take me!" I stayed downstairs as I promised H I would do. I let him handle it. A few minutes later he came downstairs with d and she asked him if she could give me a hug and kiss goodbye. she then told her dad she didn't want to sleepover. He said that was okay and they left.
20 min later H sends me a TM saying , " in the future please don't let d lock herself in her room when I am coming!" He also told his sister that we are on the same page when it comes to d, but then when he gets there I start to soften. Not sure what he means by this b/c I was actually very proud of myself for listening to my d crying uncontrollably and I still let her leave with him. It certainly wasn't easy. Instead of being proud of me he finds some stupid reason to blame me.
I didn't respond to his TM, but all I could think about was how much he dislikes me. It seems he always has to find a way to make me look bad in some way. It bothers me..... this is what I need to STOP doing! I have been struggling with this for 2 years!!!
I'm not sure why it bothers me so much that he doesn't respect me. He hasn't in a long time. A man that would cheat and lie to their wife , leave their family and not look back, move in with Ow while still M to me, definitely doesn't respect me. He continues to disrespect me.
