Well ended up not going out last night, my friend flaked on me. I of course did not tell H this. He texted me this morning with "you ok" and I texted back, "yeah why? how are the kids", he texted back "just wanted to make sure you got back ok" and then some info about the kids. so not sure if that is one of those little things to look for Michelle mentions in DR, but I will take it if it is.
Went by his house to nurse the baby before I headed out of town to visit a girl friend. OW was not there, I assumed she was at work, but he told me she was on her way there as I was leaving. I swear I saw her take off, saw her truck go past me I think as I was getting there. I think he had her leave just so I would be comfortable. I am sure that did not make her feel to good? I don't really care. We had a nice talk, he just told me about his night with the kids, didn't get much sleep with baby etc, (yeah i know that all to well, lol). Then he walked me out.
I headed to my friends house, and was a little late getting back to pick up the kids due to traffic and he was ok with that. OW was there with her truck parked right in the driveway, since she is pretty much living there, he just won't admit it. That is the hardest part. I have to act as if her being around doesn't bother me, but deep down it kills me. Sometimes I wonder if he is to far gone for DB'ing to even work. He is out of the house, making a new life with her, and I am acting as if I am moving on. I feel like maybe I should let him know the door is still open, but I also know if I do that, he will get nasty again and tell me he is NEVER coming back, and he is NEVER leaving her.
I wonder, has anyone ever been in this situation and have their H come back? he mentioned he was going to file the divorce a couple weeks ago back when we had a fight, but then this last week things have been great because I have been DB'ing my butt off.
Is he to far gone, I know it is a long road, and I know my kids deserve it, but sometimes I feel like throwing in the towel. I mean if he can give up and run away from us, who am I to sit here like an idiot and keep trying. The worst part is I could DB my butt off for eternity and still be in this same situation. UGH. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life.
