It makes me sad to read how devastating this is for you, although I have felt, and sometimes still feel, a lot of what you are describing.
What happened to angry Donna? I'm wondering if you should find her again.
You may not want to hear or believe this right now, but you will and can get used to life like this. I know that this situation is far from what you want, but life can still be very good for you. I remember the aching feeling I used to have when H wasn't around and it was just me and the kids. I felt like such a big part of us was missing. Somewhere along the line, though, I crossed over to a point where I love my time with my kids and I actually prefer it when H is not around right now (no tension). On the 4th of July, it was just me and the kids going to fireworks, and I thought it would be a bummer, but, actually, I think it turned out to be one of the best 4th's I've had. Can't really explain why, it was just nice, fun and enjoyable. Anyway, I don't know if that helps right now, but I want to you know, it doesn't always have to feel the way it feels to you right now.
