Bourne was a madhouse, wound up seeing Transformers instead. I've got my issues with Micheal Bay, but I really kind of enjoyed it. And that girl in it...
Hottest thing about her was that she in no way resembles W.
Speaking of W, I got the goodnight call in the lobby of the cinema, bit later than usual. Apparently, she actually took S to the Jazz concert I had suggested. I thanked her for that, because I know S really enjoyed it the 2 times I took him. I don't know if she expected me to be there, or what, but I don't really care. I just hope S had fun.
Otherwise, I kept it real brief. The fact that she called earlier didn't even come up. Halfway expected a call from her after S went down, but I was kind of glad it didn't happen.
Called around 11, S sounds pretty good. W asked if she and S could "Come by the house sometime this weekend so S could, you know, play and stuff". Told her no sweat, I'll be gone all day so have at.
Heading out now for the cook-out/woods party thing. Found out that there will be some questionable materials in attendance, so I'm leaving "la pistola" behind.
I've just got to get that thing to a range or something. I haven't even fired it in a year or more. My profiency must be in the toilet by now.
In any case, should be a fun day. Hope the same is true for S, but that's out of my hands this weekend.
W called just before the food was served. Said she and S hadn't been by the house yet, had spent the day with SIL. Asked if I was at the house still, I told her "Nah, I'm gone. Have at it." Then she asked "How do you think it would work if S and I moved back to the house? But, this probably isn't a good time for you to talk about it." I told her to spend some time filling in the details of how she thinks it would work, and we could talk about it tomorrow.
>Advice welcome on above. Thanks.<
Also, my partner called. Medical news could be better, but I know he'll make it through whatever. Wants me to get him the new '07 proof set (guy's a total coin nut), so I've got to be at the coin shop when it opens tomorrow. Good excuse to go see him, though.
hmmm, i want to say just jump right into it, but no experiance for sure. great sign, i guess it comes down to you, she laid her cards down, so where do you stand?
i know you have said you have given up, but your still posting, your still seeking answers, maybe this is going to be the start to finding those answers. take it slow, and be cautious. but i'm for it.
W called back a few minutes later, asked me to help her out. The favor she is asking for, whether she realizes it or not, confirms for me that this woman is not a person that I wish to have any more contact with than is absolutely necessary.
I'm going to do the favor, not really a hardship for me, but it will certainly save me the trouble of going through the rigmarole of 'discussing' any kind of continuing relationship with her.
Her decision. I could care less if she understands the ramifications of it, not my problem.
So, she finally called. It was a pretty pathetic display, full of defensiveness and abject withholding. I kept my cool, though nothing is really 'solved'.
Not one apology, no offer of any kind of change from her. She told me she misses "Her House", told me there were no guarantees, and wanted to make sure that her coming back wasn't contingent on anything more.
Sucker.
She wants me back, and bad. She is far too proud to admit that she made a mistake, that this whole scenario is really her doing. I resisted the urge to point any of that out, just said that I had to put S's needs first in all this, and that I was concerned about the messages we send to him, both spoken and by example. I also said that "we" had not done a very good job with that to this point.
The biggest slip she made was when she said that if she could come back, she'd be willing to sleep in the spare bedroom, or even the couch if necessary. She probably doesn't realize it, but that one statement alone made it clear to me that what she really wants is to start waking up next to me again.
Anyway, I played it just as cool as I could. I told her that she had not really offered any kind of solution to anything. I told her that I was very aware that there were no guarantees, but the more she could tell me about her motivations or intentions, the easier it would be for me to make a decision. I also pointed out that some of her comments made it very difficult for me to know the kind of things she was even open to. And, I admitted, at this point I'm not really sure exactly what I am open to. either.
Honestly, I think I'm just going to tell her no. I will tell her that she is just having cold feet, that she has a new life now and should just get busy making it the best she can for herself. That ought to drive her nuts, and if she takes my advice maybe she'll leave me the heck alone.
I doubt she realized it, but she was very much looking for a fight tonight, some excuse to start blaming me again. I'm glad I didn't give it to her, but I don't know if I can continue to resist for long.
I ended the call by encouraging her to take care of herself, and recommending an over the counter product to help her over her current illness (either the same bug S had, or psychosomatic extensions of her deteriorating mental state).
In the background of our call, I had a cd playing that a friend of me gave me yesterday. It's a band called LCD Soundsystem, and the song I was playing just keeps saying over and over: "It's time to get away... It's time to get away... It's time to get away... From You!"
-During the goodnight call sunday, W apologized if she "Put you in an awkward position today". I told her no sweat, tough situation all around, I didn't take it personally. I think it kind of shook her. -MIL decided to play keep-away with S on Monday, didn't let it phase me (even though I really wanted to do something about it). She has also been telling S things that she has no business telling him. I'm being as patient as I can be, but this crap's gotta end. Soon. -Tuesday (yesterday), W calls out of the blue and tells me that she is going to see Justin Timberlake with her Sister and SIL. Asks if I want S. She's had the tickets for at least a month, calls me day of. Nice. Said no problem, anything to spend time with the boy. In the past, I have taken a rather dim view of Justin Timberlake, but my new attitude allows me to appreciate him in a new light (if not exactly "like" his music). W was in for a bit of a surprise when I new more about the show this morning than she did (couple of the girls at work let me crib from their memories). Tee Hee. -Also yesterday, W texted me the info on an upcoming re-make of one of her all-time favorite films, as redone by one of my all-time favorite artists (Rob Zombie's version of Halloween) and asked if I knew about it. Didn't see the text for almost an hour, sent back the message "Yep, Can't wait. P.S. Bourne Rox", as she had caught me at the movies the night before during the goodnight call. I did end up thanking her for the message alter, though. No reason to be a total jerk, right? -Partner got 3 stents installed. Should be home today. -Talked to the Boss man today (Finally). Everything's cool, owned up to my failings, and he was very gracious, understanding, and cooperative.
All I got time for, hope I can catch up on some of your sitches tomorrow (Get to see S again tonight, probably W as well. Joy.)
P.S. I just e-mailed W the link to the funniest SNL scetch EVER, from the x-mas episode with Justin Timberlake (you know the one I mean), as she had never seen it. Too much?
Had a good time with S, MIL as at least civil. W was there at drop off, I think she wanted to talk but didn't have the courage to ask. The cardinal rule around here seems to be "Never initiate an R talk", but W rarely does. Got home, Goodnight call came soon after. S sounded good, kept conversation with W to a minimum, but she managed to ask me if I was picking S up on Friday. Here it is, Wenesday, and she wants to confirm that I'm picking him up on Friday. This means only one thing: She has plans, probably out of state. Apparently, immediately proceeding her call to "ask if she could come home", SFIL sat her down and told her she is going to have to start paying rent if she wants to stay. MIL claims that everyone is on her to get her, ahem, stuff together, but I'm not sure how much truth there is to that. W and I have had several non-combative exchanges this week, but I'm sweating a little bit. I know I've made quite a show of convincing everyone (including myself) that I'm done with her. I know all the "she's thinking about it as much as you are" advice. I'm still sweating. When her father had an affair, MIL and he limped on for another couple of years, allowing FIL to consolidate his position and really put the hammer to MIL when he decided to. I very much fear the same kind of tactic from W, so I don't feel I can take the risk of letting her breeze back in without some sign that she is ready to really commit to this thing.
What the heck do I do? This is the first time in a long time that I have had to force myself not to call her. Do I just sweat it out and trust that she will make some sort of move? Or, do I just let her continue making things worse and worse for everybody?
P.S. MIL was trying to bait a fight this morning, whether conciously or unconciously. Examples: When I said that I had tried to arrange for my mom to come sit with S so he could stay at home today (apparenlty SFIL says that as long as W and I are seperated, MIL can't stay here to watch S. Big of him.) but could not due to the last minute nature of the scheduling change, MIL responded by claiming that she hadf told W that, had she been in my shoes, she would have said no. Of course,I was sorely tempted to do just that, but I know W couldn't give a crap about anyone right now, so my saying no would only deny me another evening with my son, deny him another evening with a truly devoted parent, and leave MIL holding the bag. Yet again. I of course said none of this, just said that I couldn't pass up the chance to be with S because I so rarelyget to see him. MIL responded by saying that it was going to get a whole lot worse if W and I didn't get this worked out. My immediate response was "wanna bet?", but again I held my tongue and just did not respond at all. Class act, my MIL.
I'm quite sure W has told everyone that she just bent over backwards when she asked if she could come home, so now everyone is wondering what my problem is. Grrrrrr.
