w came by this morning to pick s up and has ended up spending the day here. nothing big, just watching tv, i was playing with s. made s lunch and we put him down for his nap.
then w wants to talk, again the so confused talk, can't make a decision, feels alone and hurt. no divorce talk, but she did say at this point i could tell her to go to hell and she would understand. only thing i can make from all of this is at this point she can't go forward with the divorce, would rather have me pull the trigger, but feels like she can't go forward with me either.
well after listening for some time i opened my mouth, told her she didn't need to be alone, we talked about our issue, and she thinks and i agree it is communication. i asked her if something like that is worth ending it. she said no, i told her it is a skill that can be learned and all this could be fixed. pushing i know. well she came back with the coming home talk, but nothing to commit to.
she finally said she needs to go shower and clean her place, and process and think some things through. s is napping and she said she will be back soon.
i have to stop pushing, but i can't keep doing this, we are both losing weight to a point that it is not good. she looks better than i do, but i keep eating and nothing is sticking.
I think your conversation about communication wasn't too bad, but as a little different perspective, you in hindsight, it would've been better to keep it focused on you and how you feel instead. The way you phrased it you're kind of trying to say she's "wrong" and that she should think the way you are. Dunno if that makes sense (and I am really bad at it myself). But what if you said something about how you agree that communication is the issue (validating), then say you are glad communication skills are something that you can learn, and maybe mention how you plan to work on it (yourself, not bringing her or the R/M into it). (i.e. "I agree, and I'm glad communication skills can be learned. I'm looking forward to XYZ to help me get better with that")
I dunno, just kind of rambling, but hope that makes some sense.
Definitely keep detaching and remember to take care of you.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
"only thing i can make from all of this is at this point she can't go forward with the divorce, would rather have me pull the trigger, but feels like she can't go forward with me either."
Atlas, do you think that our wives are some how related? I am thinking that is about where my wife is too.
Just letting you know that I am trying to stay current with you.
Hey Atlas - SPOOK!! Was just trawling about in Active Topics and I get a mention - you re most welcome re: the big picture thing.
I have skip read this thread and just one thing stood out ... your W is yo-yo'ing about ... my H did this too. It took me a lot of effort and patience to stop myself from running to the finish line ... I had many times I thought "the bad times are behind us" but it took far far longer than I thought. What helped me was GAL, keeping my diary, venting here. And as for that Hollywood moment .... they DO come. Just far far later than any LBS would hope for.
But I see you're doing the DB dabce very well, just keep on truckin and do go to the Piecing forum - there are a lot of stickies at the top which are EXTREMELY helpful
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Thanks, Nomo has me working on IMAGO, and it is tough to retrain but I'm working on it. How I wrote it was how I said it and it would have been much better the way you put it. Need to focus some studying on that.
NDDT,
Thanks for checkin in.
Jen_Jam,
She is yo-yo'ing and your right it is very tough to hold on while this happens, one hour I'm thinking of quiting the next I'm fully invested. Sucks for sure.
IT Returns from the swamp!!!
So W's alien showed back up when she returned. New talk, attitude, everything. Well she is done, in fact lays her plan on me, that when FIL shows up next month she is filing. Just listened, uh-uh, etc... The conversation actually got some good laughs. So back inside she asks for a backrub, huh??? More than happy to, this no touch thing sucks, but that was very nice.
Well she decides she has to leave again, but I'm in the middle of cooking s dinner. I tell her I'll bring him over as soon as he is done eating. As were loading into the car my W (without alien) returns. Now she wants to work on things, but says she needs time to emotionally pick herself up. Oh, and she is completely embarassed about the car, and said while it is still fun it was a very poor choice.
On that note, I bring up the insurance and ask if she made a decision. She asks what I'm talking about, we discussed this Wednesday when she got it. She has no recollection of the convo at all. I offered to get her set up on our insurance if she would come by. Now she thinks she is bi-polar and forgetting things.
So in one day, were gettin' back together, were gettin' a divorce, she is going to fix herself. lol, i'm going to the doctor and getting pills, any pills.
LOL, that is quite an alien you have there! So how much time elapsed between the "I'm filing" conversation and the "I want to work on things"? An hour, at least? Yikes!
It does sound like you are handling her crazy roller coaster ride really well, though.
coasters don't usually make me sick, but it is. oh about an hour and half elapsed between her leaving and the alien showing. i'm really thinking there is a twin i have never known about, or nddt and i are married to the same women. lol.
oh i forgot, the w that showed up this morning was wearing a ring on her finger, it was one she got as a gift from my mother a long time ago, but sort of odd. what, she needs a ring, but not the one i got her. i guess it fits her actions and words, wants to be married but not sure.
