Thank you all for your thoughts. I think I actually can see everyone's POVs. Cobra, while I agree with you mostly, I'm not sure how you institute your suggestions of kid time/adult time, when the kids are smaller, and there is no other older child/adult supervision. Unless, like Crazy Eddie and Hap suggest, you just 'do it' anyway, when the kids are asleep, paper thin walls or not.
I'm sure if I had pushed the issue, I could have gotten myself going and my bf going and had a lovely time, quiet or not so quiet. HE certainly did not initiate in any way... HE was feeling a bit uncomfortable... as he could hear the kids even rolling over or coughing... and this was our first time away, all together... though... that's not really true... we went away for a hockey weekend once, and we had adjoining rooms... and the sex was pretty hot... but that was definitely during the chemical phase.
Now, all, really, I am NOT complaining, I swear. I'm more 'talking out loud,' about this... because it is something WE BOTH noticed and talked about. We even laughed about it... but I probably take it way more seriously than he does, for I do NOT want it to become a habit, a pattern, or anything close to normal or expected behavior, especially given my time here and my past experience.
I'm sure the guys are saying... 'hey, if you are willing, he will find a way.... or you will....'
The girls are saying...'if I'm willing, I will find a way.'
I even know this about myself.
But this was something that HIT me... I FELT it... maybe I was anxious because it was our first time away together... maybe it was because I wanted them all to get along well and have fun together... this was MY vacation with MY kids, and he asked outright if he could come with us... so this trip was NOT about him... or even a family thing... it was about me and my kids... and I thought that if he wanted to come along and have fun with US... okay... honestly, I was curious to see how he might handle it... he was great.
I asked him once if he was having fun. He said..."it isn't the kind of fun you and I have together, that is for sure. But I am definitely having fun, in a different kind of way."
My kids were my kids. I told them to be on their good behavior, but not to feel uncomfortable.
I have a theory on blended families. And now having been on all three sides of the fence now... I've been a step-kid.... then I was a step-parent (even before I was a parent myself), I've been a parent with a potential 'step' in my and my kids lives... I've even been a step-grandma....
Anyway... this whole 'step' business... is quite the slippery slope. Not that my bf is or will be a step... but the kids automatically 'defer' to him in a fatherly type way... it is REALLY REALLY weird for me to see... and experience.
This is a whole aspect to relationships that is completely NEW for me... and when I get anxious... and I bury my anxiety...gasp... my sex drive goes so far south, I wonder if I've ever had sex in my life. Yet... there are times during that whole experience of anxiety/no sex drive, I look at my bf, sitting in his beach chair, on the water, sipping our drinks, while my kids are out dunking one another in the lake... and his face in the sunset light takes my breath, and I could jump his bones right then and there... my desire hits me so powerfully...
It is an extreme high/extreme low experience for me that I've never encountered before in my life. I can only surmise it is a true combination of FOO anxiety, mother anxiety and true Corri all blended together in one experience... and I'm not sure at all who to let come through... and steer my ship.
So if anyone has thoughts on that... KAREN you out there girl?
