I don't know the what's and why's of how this r has reached this place. I don't know if h is in mlc, ow withdrawal, never truly cared etc... and it serves me no good trying to figure it all out.
I am taking back my life. when h first left I was ok (maybe it was denial) I went out was happy did my own thing etc... then reallity set in that h wasn't comming home and I got lost...on came the anxiety attacks (passed out one morning while alone with the kids due to information overload) loosing weight so fast that others were concerned, not sleeping etc. but as time went on I accepted the sit...I was living for me doing my thing, enjoying my life despite the fact that I wanted h in it, stopped asking him to come home and started asking him to just get on with the d. h came to me wanting to try again...I stayed lovingly distant for a while..but as time went on and h started comming home more and more and finally started to live here once again I let go of me and put the focus back on "us" h is not ready to deal with "us"
I must get back to the place I was when h first came home...I must keep my distance from h until he is ready if that time comes great if not I'll deal with it when I'm ready to.
so back to me...I sent in the application to volunteer for the ambulance company and just called to make sure the got the ap.. seems they will accept me, I just have to meet with the director (who taught the cpr course I took) for a tour of the facility and some other things, fill out a few forms and get into an emt course. I'm physched!!!
the dining room is my project for now..it will keep me busy nights for the next few weeks.
this week mon night paint dining room (h may be out plowing and not home til tommorow, may stay at his appartment)
tues night c appointment then stop by home depot for paint for the china cabinet
wed night paint dining room
thurs night movies with a friend "how to lose a guy in ten days" should be a trip!
fri night paint dining room
sat night did have plans to go to a comedy show with another couple but they got sold out so ??? paint??
sunday go to mass 10 am!!!! ??????
just incase your wondering why so much painting in the dining room it has a chair rail and wainscotting so theres a lot to do, plus it's a brand new house with builders flat paint so the first coat get's sucked right in.
making a better life for me...h may join if not...his loss!!
I will be pleasant I will be kind I will be considerate I will be possitive I will do my own thing I will be me!!
? should I bother to make him breakfast anymore??? I don't want him to think I hate him that after all was his justification for ea well at least one of his justifications. mlc or what??
