IMO Deida is trying to get men to see themselves from their own POV and to feel good about themselves regardless of how their women react. I agree on this, "Wild at Heart" does the same. But Deida also makes it clear that if she does not desire you, don't let that bother you, but instead, DUMP her and try again.
And in the end that confidence is what will attract your wife's desire AND create the desire in her. You just identified the ULTIMATE goal, which everyone is trying to say is NOT the ultimate goal. What Deida is trying to do in his books is to get men to focus only on what they can control, but at the same time, by doing so, the hope is that this will cause what you describe. We're playing word games here, don't see her desire as your goal, aim lower at thsoe things that you do control, but the reward that you REALLY want is her desire. So in effect, the final goal is her desire, just don't ADMIT it.
