It's going to be a bumpy ride

[Dom R]

(I said I would always love him, but I couldn;t say that I would be his 'friend' since I am his WIFE and he's my HUSBAND.)

Good for you.

And I think it's great that you are going out TOGETHER to see the movie.

I hope that you have fun together, and that you two continue to do things, exclusively together, over the next few months.

If that doesnt happen... I hope that you slam the door on him tight, and he feels what it is like to be shut out in the cold without you

[Trixi]

Movie time was fun.
Last night he came home at 11pm. He did not even go out tonight.
BUT, he says he'll be moved out by tomorrow night. (Sunday).

Still, though, he hasn't done much (if any) packing. He's just been playing his guitars, watching TV.

He has gone to his apartment a few times in the last few days; but he drives over there with an empty truck. It seems to me that he should be taking 'stuff' each time he goes. There are two tables, 4 folding chairs, some art--all still sitting here. Not to mention all the clothing, etc.

weird.

[Trixi]

I just watched his truck drive away. He'll be back later tonight to get his clothes. He is planning on sleeping at his apartment tonight.
I guess it's best to finally have him *doing* this, instead of just having it hang over my head.
I feel horrible. (Naturally.)
I tried to not cry as he was carrying boxes out to his truck. And I did okay until he came over to me and told me he'd be sleeping over there tonight.
You know how we're supposed to believe none of what they say and half of what they do? Which half of him moving out am I not to believe?

[SallyM]

(((HUGS)))

any chance you can leave so you aren't there when he gets back? busy busy busy and all that? make some plans, or just take yourself if that is possible. watching him move out is only salt in the wound, right?

wish there was something I could say to make it better. take care of yourself. if you need something distracting and just totally funny, maybe take yourself to a movie? I know you just said you had movie night with him, but maybe just treat yourself, or go with a friend? I see everything right now, weird because it has been years since I saw more than a movie every few months. I found the Simpsons to be perfect...very funny, easy, escapism at its best. planning to see the new bourne movie this wedn when h has the kids.

movies are perfect, because its something you can do with someone or on your own, and you don't have to put on a brave face or fake anything...you just have to sit and enjoy.

just a thought.

[NikB]

Agent99 - I'm sorry, I know this is hard.

It was amazing to me how quick the packing went when H moved. Obviously if we moved all our stuff it would be a lot more work - but it just blew me away, how can it take only a couple hours and he's gone??

Keep focusing on the good stuff, and work on detaching as much as possible.

Can you be there calmly when he's leaving? Act like you're there with a friend or roommate who's moving out?

If not... find something else to do. Really. Friends, family you can go visit? Go to a movie? (a FUN one, not a downer) Anything... just do what is best for you, what's easiest and what keeps you sane.

Your H sounds a lot like mine on move-out day. The first night he slept away from me, he actually planned to stay until I went to bed "so I can tuck you in." It's so surreal, I know. I think the fact that he's easing you into this - telling you when he'd be out, telling you that he's sleeping away tonight - it all shows that he cares. Which makes it that much harder, I know.

I agree that he's telling you what he needs and you're missing it. You sound SO much like me - especially the shifting boundaries part. I am currently piecing but it's really up and down - and I soo wish I HAD set firm boundaries and stuck to them. Just last week, someone opened my eyes to the fact that I basically "told" H he could do anything he wanted, treat me poorly, be out and doing who-knows-what, and I'd be here for him no matter what. Yuck. There's loyalty and then there's just plain doormat.

Do believe he's moving out - there's nothing to be gained from denying any part of that. Just take it a day (hour, minute..) at a time. You'll be ok.

[SallyM]

The first night he slept away from me, he actually planned to stay until I went to bed "so I can tuck you in."

omg, I just had to comment on this. my jaw actually dropped...hard to do, considering all I have seen/dealt with in the past 4 months. wow. did you let him?

[Trixi]

I agree that he's telling you what he needs and you're missing it. You sound SO much like me - especially the shifting boundaries part. I am currently piecing but it's really up and down - and I soo wish I HAD set firm boundaries and stuck to them. Just last week, someone opened my eyes to the fact that I basically "told" H he could do anything he wanted, treat me poorly, be out and doing who-knows-what, and I'd be here for him no matter what. Yuck. There's loyalty and then there's just plain doormat.

NikkiB- looks like you have posted A LOT of things, so before I go and read your threads, just a couple of questions:
While your H was moved out- were there any boundaries you set and shifted? If so, what were they and what do you wish you had done differently? What do you think precipated your H's return? And how do you differentiate between being loyal and a doormat?

He gave me a kiss goodbye before he left (on the cheek).

Originally Posted By: NikkiB

The first night he slept away from me, he actually planned to stay until I went to bed "so I can tuck you in."

omg, I just had to comment on this. my jaw actually dropped...hard to do, considering all I have seen/dealt with in the past 4 months. wow. did you let him?

Yeah! Did you let him??

I found the Simpsons to be perfect...very funny, easy, escapism at its best.

Morgan, thanks for the recommendation. Ratatouille was a good movie. I was ambivalent about seeing the Simpsons (meaning, is it worth seeing it now and not waiting for the DVD)--but given my sitch, I think I should see it now.
You also seem to have the tough veneer down- can you sell me some of that??

[SallyM]

go see it!!!! seriously. it was so funny...I saw it on a night that was really bad for me, I needed a guaranteed laugh. there was...and love that the simpsons has so much going on that you can seek out, it actually kept my mind pretty busy. I may even see it again. I rarely do that, but if I need the escape, I'm there. wish you lived close, I'd offer to go with!

lol about the tough veneer. really? me? or maybe I just come across online as tougher/stronger than I am. who knows.

as for the kiss on the cheek, H pulled that on me and I told him never, ever to do it again. I wasn't his aunt (insert choice swear word prior to, "aunt") and wouldn't be treated as such. lol.

take care tonight. make sure to post...I'll come back looking for you.

eta, yeah, shifting bounderies is my middle name, too.

[NikB]

omg, I just had to comment on this. my jaw actually dropped...hard to do, considering all I have seen/dealt with in the past 4 months. wow. did you let him?

I know, amazing anything can still shock us eh?

I didn't, but probably would have. He had to work the next day and I had the day off, so I stayed up later and he had to leave so he could go to bed.

That was my big mistake all along though - being too available. I did great with GAL, getting out, doing things, but he never really felt he might lose me (or so he says now - I do actually recall him worrying quite a bit a few times, but it just wasn't enough).

[SallyM]

nikki, I'm having such a hard time with that line...not to become a doormat, but wanting to save the marriage. its awful. and I know he knows he isn't losing me, at least not yet. although I did good last week and didn't let him hold me when he tried to.

anyway, don't mean to hijack the thread, just wanted to say thanks for your help here and on mine. helps to see success stories.