Just came across your thread today & thought this might encourage you in some small way (you might have to change the "wording/perspective" to suit your own circumstances)
Quote:
How does a returned prodigal spouse get over the other person? Bob tackles that question in his Tuesday's prodigal perspective. - - - - -
GETTING OVER THE OTHER PERSON -
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:8-9
Each morning, when our day starts, waiting for us is a automated list of people who have subscribed and who have unsubscribed to Charlyne Cares in the past 24 hours. Since these daily messages go to thousands of people, we are able to follow trends in subscriber activity. We can always tell when Charlyne has hit a home run, because new subscribers for that day have gone way up, as a reader tells other standers about the message, and they in turn also subscribe.
Know what is always surprising to us? When people do not read what they want to read, they unsubscribe. Regardless of what is true, nor of what they need to know, if ears are not tickled, for some people, they unsubscribe.
"The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out." Proverbs 18:15
As an aside, what day do you suspect receives the most unsubscribes? Would it be Tuesdays, when I share? How about Sundays, when Charlyne is evangelistic, or Mondays, when we use a guest devotional?
Actually more people unsubscribe after reading Saturday Testimonies than on any other day. Most of these people re-subscribe later on, but each week a few folk get so upset over God doing things for others people, they hit the unsubscribe button.
This is distressing, not only because we are losing a subscriber, but more importantly, someone is sending a message they are not ready for restoration. If they can't rejoice with God blessing a fellow stander, how do they expect to function in the ups and downs during the early days of having a spouse back home?
I pray that our subscriber list does not decrease today, but early Saturday morning God gave me a word to share with standers. I must obey Him, not simply write what pleases people.
This past week we received a panic email that was not unlike the wording of many we receive. Their spouse was on the way home, right then, and they did not know what to do next. Charlyne and I share on this topic in books, in audio teachings, and here in Charlyne Cares, but some people are so focus on their current problems they can not prepare for restoration, and are shocked when it happens. My goal today is to wake you up to one of the major stumbling blocks to the healthy restoration of a marriage relationship, after God brings the prodigal home.
How does a returned prodigal get over the other person? You, as a person standing with God for His restoration of your home, can make or break the restoration process, depending on how you deal with the other person issue.
Let's start with the facts. You may not like them, and you may not agree, but once you have walked the walk, with your spouse, away from the other person, your AMEN will come.
* Getting over the other person takes time. Your spouse must go through a grief process, measured not in days or weeks, but possibly one or two years. Yes, a grief process, just as if someone had died. Until you can allow your spouse to grieve the other relationship, you are not ready for restoration, because, quite frankly, it will not work otherwise.
* Regardless of what they say, most prodigal spouses have another person. Please be prepared for the day when that is revealed to you about your prodigal.
* Your prodigal cannot tell the difference between love and lust.
* Most prodigal relationships become sexual at some point, regardless of what message is being passed to home.
* Your prodigal does have feelings for the other person. After they come home, they will sense a tremendous obligation to the other person.
* The other person is there, even after your mate’s homecoming. After restoration, you can not stuff that individual in a closet and expect them to evaporate.
* The other person is a sinner for whom Jesus died. Are you praying for their salvation now? Will you, personally, continue to pray for their salvation after your prodigal spouse is home?
* Your returned prodigal will bring home reminders of that other relationship. I have written about how long I had a photo of the other woman behind the visor in my van. One day God told me that photo had to go.
* Your returned prodigal may attempt to justify their sin.
* Eventually, your returned prodigal will probably need to talk to someone about the other person. It may be a counselor or pastor, it could be you, or it could be the other person! That is when trouble starts all over again.
Are you still with me? No unsubscribes yet? It only gets better from here.
Someone is thinking, "So why try?" Because God has called you to stand, both before and after restoration. Both periods are the identical spiritual battle, but if God has called you to it, He will provide the help from on high that you need.
"Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." I Peter 5:9-11
The chain of events in too many marriages where the spouse has come home is as follows: (1) God uses circumstances to drive (yes, drive) the prodigal home. (2) The stander adopts an "I have arrived" attitude and slacks off on praying protection on their returned spouse. (3) The front door of that home is then opened for Satan to come in once again. (4) The other person re-enters the picture. (5) The returned prodigal leaves for the far country, once again, leaving the stander asking, "What happened?" What happened is that the Enemy, always on the prowl, discovered an entry, be it ever so small, and being intent on destroying your marriage, has attacked once again.
We have been remarried for over 20 years after our divorce, and neither I nor Charlyne feel that we have arrived. God's restoration is an ongoing process, even to this day. Neither of us feel we are immune from Satan's attacks. I may be a lot wiser, but I am as susceptible to Satan's attacks as I was on the day we remarried.
What does "susceptible to" mean? The dictionary gives the meaning as, "capable of." Do you get it? Since I am still capable of sin, where another person is involved, Charlyne prays and fasts more today, for me, for all our family and for all standers, than she was doing when we remarried.
So what is the bottom line for getting over the other person? For the stander, it is never stopping praying, putting the armor of God on your returned spouse, and on every family member. Today, tomorrow, and forever. It will take time for your returned prodigal to get over that person. When I first returned, everything I saw, read, and did reminded me of the other woman. Gradually, with Charlyne's prayers, and with time, those intense grief emotions began to subside.
For the prodigal, it means NO contact with the person you are attempting to get over. If there is a non-covenant child involved, ask God to show you how to work out no contact, but cannot visit where you used to live in sin, sitting around with the other person, under the guise of visiting your non-covenant child. If you do, you are dropping a lighted match into a gas can.
My prodigal friend, if you will have no contact for six months, you will be over that other person and ready to love your spouse in a new way. This may mean finding a new way to work, or even finding new work, but it must be done.
To both stander and prodigal, if you are serious about getting over the other person, and not looking for loopholes, you each have two great allies. Foremost, is the Holy Spirit of God. If you are praying, and asking God's help, He will make possible avenues that you and I can not even imagine. Your second ally is time. The returned prodigal's drumbeat can be, "With God's help, in every way, and every day, I am getting better and better."
The spiritual war for your marriage is a winnable war. One of the largest weapons the Enemy uses to keep things disrupted is that third person. You, and your spouse, can have victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." I Corinthians 10:12-13
PS - If you are a prodigal spouse, I have a challenge for you. I wrote about six months with no contact with the other person. Does that seem too long? How about five months? Can you have no contact for five months? If so, you will be over that person. This means that over Labor Day, all this fall, Thanksgiving and Christmas, you do not communicate with the other person at all, by phone, by email, in person, by card, nor by carrier pigeon. If you can do that, you can wake up five months from now, on New Year's day, with the other person being only a distant memory, instead of a haunting memory, as they now are. I know how difficult that sounds, but it has to be, for the sake of your family.
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"WE WILL REMEMBER" -
On July 9, our children and their families, along with our Rejoice Pompano family, and out of town guests, surprised us with a wedding reception, celebrating 20 years of remarriage after our divorce. Highlights of that evening have been placed on a 48 minute CD for you, including comments from Lori Steinkamp Lassen, from both Bob and Charlyne, and from another restored couple. This CD is a "must have" for your collection of stander's material. Twenty years remarried out of 40 years of marriage is a milestone you will enjoy hearing about.
(you might have to change the "wording/perspective" to suit your own circumstances) 
