There and Back

[NikB]

Hey Morgan,

I've followed your posts off and on, hope I can help some.

First off: SLOW DOWN. I totally understand where you're coming from, you want to know what happened, what he wants, and you want it NOW. If you want a D, then file it. Otherwise, slow down, step back, and just forget about the M for awhile. Seriously.

All those questions - he doesn't have an answer to those right now. If you push him to make something up, he will, and he's not going to like the pressure AT ALL so you will most likely push him very quickly in the direction that you don't want.

You're assuming and expecting so much in regards to your H right now - instead, stop assuming and stop expecting anything (including expecting him not to hurt you, or to care if he hurts you). This isn't about you right now - it's about HIM.

Try to step back and be a "fly on the wall" who knows neither person, during some of your interactions. Or try getting into H's head (not as your H, just as a man who is confused) - see things from another perspective.

And then - stop obsessing about where H is, what he's doing, whether he's having sex with OW or not. Just focus on yourself, on all the other parts of your life outside of the M/R. It's the only part you can control, anyway.