I'm punching the air for both you guys. Seriously.
Lou it sounds like you have made a ton of progress since I was last here and I'm so happy for you.
And as for Crazy Eddie - you are a genius. I especially like this part:
Quote:
You are willing to overlook others' flaws, but not your own. Having your flaws pointed out to you hurts badly, because you're ashamed of them, so you think that pointing out anyone else's flaws is going to hurt them just as deeply, and you try to avoid doing that and you want them to do the same to you. While other people assume that a certain degree of constructive criticism is part of normal interaction between people that are close to each other, and they get confused and frustrated when you react so strongly to it.
It reminded me so much of the time HD was courting MsHD and he told her she had wrinkly eyes - in a kidding kind of way. And she liked it she wasn't mad at him for it. HD has stopped doing that, he needs to start again and he needs to accept it when she does it to him. Ramp up the the funny guy we all know you are HD and assume you are going to Tuscon.
By the way if MsHD did not want to hear that you had been jacking off why did she ask? Why did she flat out ask you after you told her she didn't want to know and then when you said yes, she told YOU off for being to in-your-face???? This woman is screwy.
Also regarding finances, H and I have always had our own accounts containing 'pocket money' everything else is joint. The pocket money is what we get to spend no questions asked. We don't argue about money. No money that we earn ever goes into the pocket money accounts it goes straight to the joint account.
Fran Basking in 27 degrees in London after a solid 2 months of rain
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
I'm sure you've been to France? Do you by any chance have an email you are willing to share with me that I could converse with you about a possible trip to said country? Paris.... wine country.... then southern France.
HD: "Okay.... I would like to go to this concert on XX date in Tucsoon... I went ahead ahead and bought the tickets to have them. If we cannot figure out a way for me to go, I will do XXX (and lay out the plan). What I figure for the trip is XXX dollars (and give her an itemized list, plus 10 to 15% figured in on top, for anything you hadn't considered.) Total price for trip=$$$
Give that to her.
Then, as a means of paying for the trip, you will give up X dollars of your 'extra money' over how many months, at 3% interest (as you are such a selfish bastard) to pay for the trip. Savings money pays this or less.
ASK her to help you figure out financially how to pay for it, over time. If she keeps giving you grief, HD, she is hurt you didn't ask her to go with you... then... to which you say.... "I'm sorry I didn't ask you to go with me, but I know how you feel about having sex with me... and this is a weekend trip I'd want to have sex with you, I know it, so... knowing how you feel about it.... I figured I'd just go on my own... and give you "your" time."
Wow Corri, that's cool. When are you planning to go?
My email address is in my sig line for a limited period as you've reached your private topic limit!
I don't read that one often as it's the one I use for spam filtering so if I don't reply right away give me another nudge on the board. But I will be looking out for your post anyhow.
I am pretty much yearning to go back to France again soon. If I had my way we would live there. My mum and dad moved there after they retired so I had 15 years of trips back and forth about 3 times a year. I also went to school in France for 3 months when I was 10 years old, learnt lots of French that way. You will have such a great time, I'm sure. Is the BF coming along?
speak soon
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Corri: The thing is, I am able to pay for the trip without using any money from the family budget - these are dollars that I have earned over and above any amounts I provide from salary plus some extra from my 2nd job. I mentioned that earlier, but maybe you missed it. Or, are you suggesting that I pay for the trip twice? Once, for the tickets and incidentals, and once, as some sort of token of contrition? (No way...corri would NEVER suggest that).
I did discuss the issue some more with W this weekend. It's still an issue of "selfishness" and feeling "taken advantage of" for her. And, I'm a little surprised at this: I pushed a little more on the idea that she feels I should spend more money on her, thinking it was just some sort of misunderstanding on my part, and, no, she said that it "would have been nice" if I'd bought her some jewelry, or arranged a trip for the two of us.
As far as the jewelry is concerned, it has been a while since I've bought her something nice, but mainly because she doesn't seem to want me spending money on her. And she has said that "gifts" is definitely not her LL. Maybe, though, it was that she didn't want me spending "our" money on her. Okay...point taken, processed, and filed for future reference. I think it's quite possible that another couple of months may have similar amounts of "extra money" and sure, I'd be happy to share that bounty with her in the way of a nice gift.
But the issue of the trip still remains. I asked her if it was just the money/selfishness issue, or if she would be upset if the cost was nominal, and I was just going away for a couple days (thinking about Nop's idea of camping on the cheap). She said, "if you were able to get some kind of deal on the airline tickets and they ended up costing you about $45 round trip, I wouldn't care. It's the fact that the first time you get some extra money, you spend it on yourself." A couple thoughts here. The airfare is about $200. So does that mean we're talking about $155? I mentioned this, and she said, what about food, beer, etc., while you're down there? Me: well, I'd still be eating food and drinking beer, even if I stayed home, so that's kind of a wash... W: but you'll be eating out, which you wouldn't be doing here...
And on and on. Nothing necessarily resolved, but I still intend to go. So she thinks I'm selfish. Maybe I am. Maybe I should have spent the money on other things/people. Maybe spending it on this trip/concert is a MISTAKE. If she's going to make this some sort of make or break deal (which I don't necessarily think she'll do, yet I'm prepared for the possibility), then so be it. Hairdog goes on a selfish trip...what an azzhole. I guess I am FLAWED. Maybe she won't love me anymore. Maybe she'll leave me.
Or maybe she won't. Maybe I'll have to endure the silent treatment for awhile, or her outbursts, but we'll get past it. And, maybe, there will even be some benefits to me going on the trip, beyond the fact that it's going to be great to see my friend and spend some time with him and hear some great music. At the very least, I'll be able to look at myself in the mirror and not feel like such a doormat...maybe even respect myself for doing something DIFFERENT and outside of my comfort zone. I doubt she'll share that feeling, but hey, stranger things have happened.
We also talked about the finances and I expressed my desire to be more involved/informed. She did not want to give up the "control" of the finances. Fine...I just want to understand where we are financially, and how we're doing. She reasserted that we're doing pretty well with regard to debt/income ratios and retirement savings. And college funds are also doing okay, in spite of the late start.
I finished the kitchen walls this weekend, too, so "yea me!"
All in all, the weekend went well. I still intend to go on the trip, and I'm fully aware that yet more sh!t may hit the fan, but I've been hit by feces before, and "I can handle it."
And on and on. Nothing necessarily resolved, but I still intend to go. So she thinks I'm selfish. Maybe I am. Maybe I should have spent the money on other things/people. Maybe spending it on this trip/concert is a MISTAKE. If she's going to make this some sort of make or break deal (which I don't necessarily think she'll do, yet I'm prepared for the possibility), then so be it. Hairdog goes on a selfish trip...what an azzhole. I guess I am FLAWED. Maybe she won't love me anymore. Maybe she'll leave me.
Or maybe she won't. Maybe I'll have to endure the silent treatment for awhile, or her outbursts, but we'll get past it. And, maybe, there will even be some benefits to me going on the trip, beyond the fact that it's going to be great to see my friend and spend some time with him and hear some great music. At the very least, I'll be able to look at myself in the mirror and not feel like such a doormat...maybe even respect myself for doing something DIFFERENT and outside of my comfort zone. I doubt she'll share that feeling, but hey, stranger things have happened.
For what it is worth, I think you are taking the perfect attitude on this. You are being strong and a bit aloof without being an azz about it. She seems to be playing the "pity me" card but you are being strong and supportive without buying into the pity me attack. Well done. Go have a blast. Personally, I think it would be hard to be in a bad mood regardless of the home situation while listening to TMBG's.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
Sorry to have to say this, but...I honestly have a hard time believing a wife would suggest jewelry when she is making no effort whatsoever to make him happy, even just every so often...in the love making department. HD, does she ever buy you anything? Like a shirt, cologne...just for the hell of it?
I think it's interesting how your wife is reacting and I think it great that you're facing the fire.
Most interesting is how she want's some jewelry as a present. Cute that she wants a display that you still care for her and that you love her when your just going away for the weekend. It sound a bit insecure but if you have been such a NG for your whole marriage there is bound to be allot of insecurities both ways.
