I hope you don't mind, but I would like to reply to your email here because these are things for everyone.
Remember how we talked about how he sees you as a victim--weak, and mistreats you? Well, in asking questions, you do not sound sure of yourself. Uncertainty = weakness...and he will not agree.
Quote:
I asked H if he could go a different day b/c he is on vacation himself all this week.
Quote:
I thought about it and then I replied to him that d was keeping her appt b/c it is important.
There are times when thinking things through and considerin the views and ideas of others shows flexibility and is important. NOT HERE. When you know what is right--keeping the counseling--be decisive. You knew it was right and yet showed a waiver--you are so afraid of ruining things for later. This is helping to promote his disrespect.
Quote:
I asked him to support me with this.
How nice of you. No...you need to EXPECT him to support you in it...and it is nonegotiable. I told Sweetheart my expectations. Did he always follow them...No, but he was more likely to because he wanted to meet expectations...and it was hypnosis...
Some of what I did with Sweetheart was toa say...you and I both know...something. In this case...You and I both know that counseling is the best thing for D.
Now he denies it to himself and you...and will likely still. But it is a hypnotic technique. You left no room for a different answer. He can deny, but you've told him you know he knows anyway--thus excuses are wasted.
Quote:
Did I do the right thing? It's just that d7's C appts are important so she can get over this anxiety.
If you doubt your decisions...how can he not also doubt them?
Quote:
Wed would be me and H's 11th wedding anniversary. He tells me today that he is going away on Tues and Weds. ( it is with Ow- even though he didn't tell me I know he is) He really doesn't love me anymore. Otherwise he couldn't spend the day we got married with his GF! Where is his conscious(sp?) he legally has a Wife????
Stop that right now! You are taking this personally again. First...many don't remember dates. Second...he is in MLC and divorcing you...why should he show respect for something that is now nonexistent--to him. This proves NOTHING. He is not seeing it as anything but another day. And let's say he is being deliberate...maybe he's trying to remake the day because it is still meaningful to him...or the OW is doing it. Maybe he's trying to erase the memory and meaning...the need to erase shows it is still there.
For goodness sake...he has a gf--and OW (Old Whore). He spends many days with. He sleeps with her. This is no worse than any other betrayal--and it's not even intentional. And how do you think the OW feels about that date...?
You can be sure Sweetheart's OW knew that date--ours is two days after her birthday and she pays attention to stuff like that. In 2005 Sweetheart spent time with me on her birthday because it was a weekend...but two days later...no phone call. You better believe the OW made sure she had him wrapped up and unable to get away on that day more than another.
What are you doing for yourself? Because until you nopt only choose to do someting...but then GO DO IT...you will not move past this taking it personally stuff. You've been stuck here way too long. What can you do to move your Self ahead--forward? (not a rhetorical question)
