There and Back

[SallyM]

thanks, astimegoeson. yep, h has told me it would be ducky if I found an OM. don't they know how much that hurts? or are they so freaking self involved that they think they are being, I don't know, kind?

I haven't seen anyone since our separation, but he is so chomping at the bit for me to, I swear he's making stuff up in his mind, like your wife. and I think you are dead right, its about perception of peers for my h like it is for your wife. he'll look/feel more justified if I can be held accountable for the same thing. and f him. sorry, but seriously, just take responsibility for your own actions, leave me out of it.

so what do you tell her when she asks about your life? does she push for details, like my h does, or do you evade the questions and she finally stops asking? are you forthright and tell her you aren't discussing it with her? just seems like no matter what I do, it doesn't seem to work with H.

Its funny, I feel so calm and cool at times. and then, even with my determination, I end up getting punched in the gut. he just dropped the kids off...I'm determined not to talk about my life except as it pertains to the kids, I'm determined to be a bit of a woman of mystery, I'm determined to really move on with my life. instead, what happens is I go out to greet the kids, and realize he's on the phone...with her. I know it was with her, no doubt at all in my mind, even if he didn't refer to her by name. and he ends the call by saying he'll call her later. so now I have that lovely image in my head.

I talk to the kids, and am upbeat and fun, although I know I look a bit tired today...not a bad thing, considering my weekend was so GAL-ful. H starts in on the questions, and I answer but don't elaborate, or answer but not answer. how was my weekend? It was a lot of fun. what did you do? their house was gorgeous, elaborated a bit about it. did you eat out in portsmouth? no we grilled. did you go out for drinks. Yes. who was there? anyone else? when did you get home? and on and on.

I swear it was like being interrogated. I answered openly, and happily/upbeat, but without a lot of detail. and he got pissy that I wasn't talking to him...but I was, and I told him. asked if there was anything else to talk about.

I guess I don't really know how to handle him. am I blowing it by not being more open? or does it even matter? and do I even want a man who is such an ass to me. obviously, no, I don't want a man who is such an ass to me, more like, is there even a chance he'll ever be the man I know/love again?