When H moved out in April he seemed so depressed and I thought he would change his mind about us once he had time alone. I was actually worried about his state of mind! His "friend" I was worried about has now become the ow (I know for sure!). If she wasn't in his life I think I would have more reason to wait it out. When I first found this board H was having an on again/off again EA/?PA with someone else. It was different then because he would tell me he was afraid he was making the biggest mistake in his life. It seemed like a true addiction to this ow. He seemed like he cared about me then, but had trouble leaving the other R because she was very needy. We actually started communicating better and I had high hopes for a better marriage. I was waiting out his MLC.
Two recent things have made me realize he has changed (or maybe it's me opening my eyes):
1. While we were on the boat the other day we drove past his cousin's house. They are not close (they see each other only every 5-10 years) and all he could say after we pulled away was "She gained so much weight. She used to be so beautiful. I can't believe she let herself go like that." He is SO SURFACE ORIENTED! The part that amazed me was that she remembered D16's name after only seeing her once or twice. She asked about his mother. H only commented about his cousin's appearance and how rich she was.
2. Yesterday he came by the house before our friends left and asked what I had planned for the rest of the day. I said his mother had called earlier and she asked me to call back after they left. Twice he asked if I had called his mother yet. WHY DIDN'T HE CALL HIS MOTHER????? He is selfish with his time. I do more for his mother than he does!!!
So, we have such different values! I think there has been too much damage done to repair our marriage. I don't trust him any more. I still care about him and wish it would be different, but I have lost hope.
I am also trying to value myself more!!!! I don't want/need a H who is so surface oriented (My heart should be rated higher than my housekeeping skills or my appearance).
