Not so Shocked 4

[nickyf]

Hi everyone

Just woke up, it's early and i am feeling a bit down. Today is my husbands birthday and D3 and i miss him so much, i wish he was here for us to give him hugs and wish him Happy Birthday. Instead he is abroad with OW, she is getting to do that this year. Last year Husband and i went out to dinner and then to the cinema to watch a movie, it just does not seem as exciting as living it up abroad on holiday with OW.

I have been feeling ok lately but it just it me this morning, thinking why on earth would he want to come back home when he has got this new lifestyle. One thing i do know is that OW and her S4 could never love my husband as much as D3 and i do. I know we will be we will be ok, it's just hurts today.

Today i plan on taking D3 swimming and then if the weather is nice enough i will take her to the park. She is my angel and keeps me sane , if it was not for her i don't know how all this would have turned out. Husband did phone her yesterday and said that he is missing D3 so much that when he arrives back on Monday he is going to quicky drop his bags off and come straight round to see her, she will love to see him .

Hope everyone is ok

Nicky

[Cinderellaman]

Nicky- I'm so sorry!!! I know....I feel I'm struggling too, but lets met this a wonderful day together and chat about it tonight ! The SUN is SHINING !! It's WARM !!! Let's go and have fun and BE !!!!!

Sending you all my love today !!!!! have a good day dear friend !!! xxxxx

[nickyf]

Cinders

I have just got back from taking D3 swimming, she loved it and is getting so confident in the water.

D3 phoned her Daddy before we went to wish him Happy Birthday, she only stayed on the phone for about a minute then passed it to me. He was vey busniness like in his talking, i presume because OW was there, probably laid next to him in bed YUK. We took the time to ring him to wish him happy birthday and it seemed like he could not be bothered to talk, oh well i plan to enjoy the rest of the day and not think about it.

Take care

Nicky

[nickyf]

Hi everyone

Had a great day considering how i was feeling this morning, it is that time of the month so i think that is partly why i was feeling so emotional, i have noticed that i am able to pick myself up again far quicker than i ever use to .

It will be the one year anniversary of the bomb on the 22nd of this month, i can't believe how much has happened, i never thought that i would bringing D3 up on my own, getting divorced not to mention the rollercoaster ride that i have been on. It has been the hardest thing that i have ever had to go through but i am here and most of the time doing ok. I am able to look my little girl in the eyes and know that i have tried my best to keep our family together. There are things that i do take blame for in our marriage but i was never really given a proper chance to help put things right. I don't think that any of this would have mattered anyway because my husband had to go through this, i understand that now, it didn't necessarily have anything to do with me personally, more about him and his needs.

Once again i feel ok, feel that D3 and i have got an exciting life ahead of us and that i am the luckiest mum to have such a beautiful little girl , who i get to enjoy my life with. If at some point someone joins this little family unit of mine, they will be lucky too because D3 and i are a good catch, even if i do say so myself lol .

Hope everyone is ok

Nicky

[nickyf]

Hi everyone

I am sat here feeling very confused at the moment. A few weeks ago my husband started flirting by text again, this is something he has done quite regular since the bomb but i was being hurt constantly when he with drew so i decided to text him to tell him to stop flirting with me as it was constantly giving me false hope. He replied to y text by saying that he was sorry and that he would stop.

Anyway last week my husband started flirting again heavily by text and when he came. He even turned up at the gym on Thursday night when i was there, knowing that i would be there. On friday he left for Majorca to go and meet OW and other friends out there. He phoned on Saturday and said that he was really missing D3 and that when he got back on Monday he was coming straight round to see her. No fliting at all while he was in Majorca but seemed a bit down when talking on the phone.

Monday morning while waiting for his plane back home he staed to flirt again (OW not coming back with him because she is staying until Thursday with friends). When he landed he came straight round, you could tell he had missed D3. He started flirting heavily again with me.

Tuesday he decided to tell me when we spoke on the phone about all the debt he has got himself into and that he was having to go through a debt consolidation place to sort out all his debt. He sorted all that out that afternoon. He also got himself a job interview because he hates his job. When he came round to see D3 he still seemed down, i asked him if he felt alot less stressed now he had got his finances sorted out and got a job interview, he said, no not really. When he left i text him just to say that if he ever needed anyone to talk to, i was here. He text back saying thankyou, he appreciated it, things were just hard at the moment.

Anyway today he came to see D3 again, no fliting at all, he got the job starts in a couple of weeks. We got talking about why he was stressed, he said that it was just things like money, job and the divorce. He told me that a few weeks ago that he had an episode where things were just racing round his head, he could not concentrate on anything. He would try to focus on the issues that were bothering him but he was unable to and he didn't know why, he said he thought that he was going mad. He also said that he feels a bit better today, with the new job and everything and that he feels like he is getting sorted in his head. Seemed very much back to the MLCer to me, playing down issues. He said that he was not depressed, just stressed with things.

Today, i told him again that the flirting with me needs to stop because it was giving me mixed messages, he said he knows and that he does not know why he keeps doing it. He has told me that he won't do it again. He also told me that he wants me to start dating and thinks it would be good for me. I did some bad DB and told him that OW and her S4 could never love him as much as D3 and i do. I told him that he needs to think about why he flirts with me when he think he has all these feelings for OW.

So i really don't know what to think, he seemed so ok with me dating, like he wouldn't be affected by it at all. Can anyone please help me get my head round all this?

By the way his huge bandaid (OW) is back tomorrow so he won't be coming round to see D3, it will be back to the usual visits.

Hope eveyone is ok

Nicky

[Cinderellaman]

Hi Nicky,

I got this in my e-mail today - I copied it and I think it may be useful for you !!!

Did you notice one very important fact? King Nebuchadnezzar had a
change of heart! He threw Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego into the
fire saying, "Then what god will be able to rescue you from my
hand?" The King was very confident that he was going to kill the
three Hebrew men.

It does not matter what your spouse is saying or doing, your God is
greater than the enemy who has your spouse blinded and trapped in
sin. When God revealed His mighty power, the King bowed down and
said that all people could not say anything against the God of
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. What a day of victory, God revealed
His mighty power. He will do the same for you and your marriage as
the Lord is right there beside you!

"With man this is impossible, but not with God all things are
possible with God." Mark 10:27

Keep it up, he'll stop the flirting again, only to continue in a while. You did fine, no harm in saying some truths sometimes I've been told !

I know how confusing it can all be....H spent a lot of the evening here...but in a way it was good to have him here. The kids really miss him.

[nickyf]

Cinders

There were some tears in front of my husband when saying that to him, i could not contol them. Another thing he said was that he still wanted to be able to come and talk to me if need be because he has no one else he can talk to, I reassured him that he could. I do wonder why he feels he can't talk to OW.

Snodderly and RCR if you happen to read my last post, i could really use some wise words from you.

Nicky

[Cinderellaman]

sweety, he can't talk to her, because they don't share the history, the love, the warmth and D3 !

It is YOU that he loves, you KNOW that, ow is the bandaid remember....once a bandaid has done it's job it's starts to peel off ! You try to stick it back on, but a lot of the glue is gone, so it never sticks properly again ! He's doing just that, trying to stick her back on, but in the end, it'll fall off...and he will be left with the open wound that he will have to FACE.

He will KNOW that you have been there for him, THAT's the important part. And YOU, you will have grown strong enough to go the rest of the way....of which I'm told, is an even harder road than this !

You did well !!! xxxx

[nickyf]

Hi everyone

My husband text me this morning

H: I got pulled this morning
ME: Why
H: Drink driving but was ok
ME Good, glad everything was ok
H: [censored] myself though, would have served me right
ME: Had you been drinking
H: LOL what makes you say thay? No but was looking at the vodka bottle last night.
ME: just because you said that it would have served you right
H:Well done it before, vowed never to do it again thats why i left my car at the club last week. Just thought when the cop was asking me, this would have been the end. If i had been caught, prob no job and then things start to downward spriral don't they.
ME: At leasts everything was ok.
H: Yeah gona sort myself out now, consentrate on D3 cos she needs to know that i'm there for her. Gona take her somewhere nice on Sat.

By this converstaion it would seem that my husband has started to realise some of his behaviour this past year. I am glad that he is aware of the fact that he needs to sort himself out. He phoned tonight but sounded very much back in MLCer mode, i think it is because OW is back today, his bandaid. I hope that it does not stop him from working on himself. However for the first time since the bomb, he actually asked me how i was feeling, i just told him that i was ok.

RCR and Snodderly, or anyone that may have some input

i was just wondering if you could just give me your thoughts on my last few posts. This is the most open my husband has been since the bomb, on one hand he seems to be going through depression but then today he seemed so together and realiseing that he needs to have a better relationship with D3. Is this normal?

Hope evryone is ok

Nicky

[job]

Nicky,
It appears that your h had some "quality" time while the ow was away to work on himself and to think about life. He's having some light bulb moments or as Sting would say "sanity" moments. It's good that he feels he can come to you and talk about things. That's what he needs to continue doing. He needs to see the light on in the window and gravitate to it like a moth to a candle.

This is a part of the journey and if you go back and read some of the other success stories, you will see that their spouses have done something similiar. Accept him for who he is today, listen and validate his feelings. For these feelings are very real to him at this time. Nicky, he feels safe w/you and your little girl. Keep it that way and he'll continue to gravitate to home more and more.

Hang in there.