Have you ever written her a letter? Bit along the lines of what choc did? Know Chocs outcome wasn't what he'd hoped but at least he's no longer living in limbo and your situation has way more positives as she is still showing you affection.
If you put it in writing she can't argue or ignore it any more its there a REAL problem in black and white. Actually thinking back maybe you did this already but time for another one laying it on the line.
You have a good relationship and I do understand that you'd rather try and fix the one your in bit like DIY. Maybe you'll reach the point where you'll just feel you have to walk away and take your chances on meeting someone else you can have a healthy LL with and a good R.
Assuming your W doesn't have cancer and if she had a smear done over a week ago they get results quickly she should know by now. I had a borderline result and had to have it checked again after 6 months but didn't put me off or cause any pain and it was fine next time around. If there is a problem then thats a whole other ball game cos she'll think she now has a valid reason not to have sex.
It sounds like your W will do anything to avoid going further than affection and I would book a councellor MC or sex therapist or whatever so she can't avoid this any longer. Might be worth doing IC yourself.
Would you be prepared to live for the rest of your life in a SSM so you can stay with this woman? Or would you be prepared to leave and start over with the possibility that there is more?
She becomes very defensive when the topic is raised so she knows there is a problem guess its finding a way of breaking down those defences and sadly I'm no expert.
Personally I think you've been pretty patient up till now and she's not even meeting you half way or seeing things from your POV. Has she read the SSM book only if not then make sure she does.
Good luck and sorry no improvement in your sitch so far.
