What I don't understand about Deida is that he wants us to achieve our happiness on our own. If the was possible, I would be doing it. And if this was true, then I don't understand why men would need woman at ALL in their lives. Having a woman that desires you causes an incredibly high level of happiness. If I was capable of achieving this level of happiness on my own, I WOULD BE FREAKING DOING IT. But this would mean that women would have no real purpose in mens lives. But this is NOT true. So in effect, men NEED women. The desire of a woman can not be replicated in any other way, and I can't think of any goal in life that is SUPERIOR to the desire of a woman.
If your main focus in life is to be desired by a woman, then you have a whole heck of a lot more problems than you think you have
First, you might want to start by digging deep down inside and appreciating who you are, instead of expecting someone else to fulfill your happiness
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Why are we trying to DENY the real goal of Deida men. Deida men pursue their own life goals, but do so hoping that they get their reward, which is a woman that desire them. If they don't get their reward, they are happy. If they get their reward, they will be FAR happier. SO the ULTIMATE goal is in reality to be a Deida man WITH a desirous woman.
Is there a way for a man to achieve the HIGHEST levels of happiness without a desirous woman? Please tell me, I would do it in a second.
You're correct in that most try to downplay the need of a good relationship. The question that everyone brings to bear is have you done everything in your power to self-actualise? Do you have hobbies and interests that don't involve women or the the attraction principles?
Yes, men could concievably do without female companionship. According to biology we're really not needed and if necessary the female of the species could pro-create by themselves. Why are men here on the planet? My personal view is that we provide a break from what would be a very humdrum life for females. A form of biological entertainment and chaos in a naturally calm system.
With that in mind, what do men provide women that they can't themselves provide? Start switching the angle of your inquiry. Personally, I could do without women, but they provide a very great form of satisfaction. Love isn't all based on physical attraction, it's got a lot to do with intertwining interest. People that have accidents learn to live without sex, but it's still "missing". It's a natural part of life.
So, if you're a follower of Dieda, then you can realise "sex" without the need of commitment and therefore you can be a lone island. Fine. It's pretty cold out there with only male company so men usually modify their behaviour so that females become part of the social scene.
What everyone keeps pounding at is that once you find peace within yourself you can make a choice to be happy with what is, or make changes to achieve what you want. Do you want to be desirable to the opposite sex? There's plenty you can do. Do you want to be desirable to just one element of the opposite sex? Study what they like. The problem occurs when what they like is in direct odds with your core personality. That's where most men have problems and where many relationships breakdown. Men rarely open up to their core until long into a standing relationship and that's usually when conflicts occur.
Whew. That's enough spouting from me for now. 25 keeps pounding on me to state the following " This is my own personal opinion" but it's based on long observation in multiple countries. Take what you need and throw the rest in the trash.
I was just readin the chapter on OLDER women in Deidas book. I think what Deida was trying to get men to realize in that chapter is that women essentially wear out and can not do what much younger women do, and in a way, we should look for OTHER features in our wives. I just get this sense from his book that what he is trying to get men to do is to LOWER their own desire level so that the women can actually handle us. Everything he does seems to try and get the man to focus on something OTHER then sex, and to be a LD man would really help this.
If that goes against your core then it's wrong for you. It will cause nothing but internal strife. The question is then, what do you do when such a large obstacle remains? Do you, as the woman gets older, contain your libido (strong internal strife) or release it? Biologically, men are reproducers throughout their entire life. Many many have fully functioning testosterone levels until they die. Does this mean they should deny themselves simply because a woman's biology quits functioning? Do they come to some form of agreement with their spouse to meet their own needs? Pretty heady questions and go beyond single pair mating. My personal thinking is that one reason that men die younger than women is that this strife causes them to dwindle and the lack of biological purpose causes them to feel, subconciously, as not needed. After all, a women can get all her needs met at an older age without sex but men are still mostly functional. Should it not rather be that women need to be more active in ensuring that their sexually functioning male is kept at peace internally by selflessly providing a function that they no longer need? After all, since they don't "need" sex it shouldn't cause much internal strife to provide it for their mate .
"You can become stuck in your own dramas of sex and money. What you can't live as openness, offered without residue, creates stickiness in your life. Yet the price of discovering your tar of unfinished business, your sexual and financial traumas and fears, may exceed what you are willing to wager. Are you willing to face, feel, confess, and open beyond your every sexual and financial fear and complication, now? Human birth is for those who are not quite ready but may be on the verge—that's why you are here as you are."
Maybe you can glean more of a sense of where he is coming from here.
I just also want to add that I doubt very highly that you desire your wife as much as you just desire sex. You seem to think pretty lowly of her and have so much resentment that you're probably cornered your self into needing her desire, because your too afraid to admit that your the one who has no desire for her.
Let me repeat you are the low desire spouse, you don't truly desire your wife you just want to get off.
What I don't understand about Deida is that he wants us to achieve our happiness on our own. If the was possible, I would be doing it.
So if you admit you don't understand Deida's MAIN POINT, why do you even want to continue to talk about Deida? It's quite clear that you don't understand more likely don't like his philosophy. That's fine. Just leave it alone then.
And if this was true, then I don't understand why men would need woman at ALL in their lives.
?? So you truly think that the only reason men need women is to make them happy??
Having a woman that desires you causes an incredibly high level of happiness.
Sure I completely understand how great it feels to be desired. I just don't understand how you can't have an acceptable level of happiness without it.
If I was capable of achieving this level of happiness on my own, I WOULD BE FREAKING DOING IT.
Would you? It really does not seem like you have tried the suggestions from people or from Deida or from Michele, etc.
I can't think of any goal in life that is SUPERIOR to the desire of a woman.
And that right there says that you completely disagree with Deida's philosophy. So why bother reading Deida or misquoting him here?
I asked you specifically to give page numbers and the exact quotes for Deida and you haven't. I was able to look and give the exact quotes from Deida and the page numbers for my arguments. It seems to me that you are not being very logical in your reading and understanding of Deida.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
