Thank you so much RCR. After reading your quotes, I realized that I cycle bad and some of the things that pop into my head while I am posting thankfully don't stay there long.
There was one section that I am not sure I understand.
Quote:
Cycling Faith? I knew it was just my imagination tripping me up, so I laughed it off. But I used to ask...did God give me my KNOWING so I would THINK Sweetheart would come home--though it was a lie--and thus I would learn and grow through the process? No...God doesn't do that. How about how we interpret what God tells us...that is your true fear in this issue. You so want God to say one thing, so are you hearing only what you want--through fabrication?
If you could explain what you mean by this, I would appreciate it.
As for the part about the other girlfriend taking her side and pretending not to. She and I went to dinner almost once a week. H, OW, and this gf graduated together. I was a few grades ahead of them. OW and gf lived near me when I was young. I knew them pretty well. OW was a overweight awkward not very attractive young girl. Not bragging or anything but when I was young, I was thin but curvy and had long wavy/curly hair. I didn't realize it until much later in life but I was attractive and some of the younger girls wanted to be me. I am really embarrass to say that because I never thought I was pretty or desirable. My dad was so mean that most boys that lived near us were afraid to ask me out at all. So I rarely dated as a teen. I was told by several guys after I was grown that they had crushes on me but were afraid of my dad.
Anyway, the purpose of this information is that I think that OW might have been one of those girls and that having my husband is just what you said it was a way to punish me.
gf and OW have been close friends longer than I have ben close with gf. So when this all blew up, gf tells me that she is not going to make choices but she doesn't call me anymore despite telling me every time I run into her that she will call me to go out. Never happens.
While talking to Holly today, she reminded me that H and OW moving in together is a good thing. I know in my head so many things but I doubt myself and what I feel I have been given from God.
I am sure that God plans to restore my marriage. I just have to keep fighting the evil one that is planting the seeds of doubts for me. I do need to forgive for me. Not forgiving hurts me more than her. I have a new name for OW, it is heroin because she is just an addiction. I like that better than Skank Ho because that name reminds me that I have given her too much power. Heroin makes her a negative factor in H's life and reminds me that she is a non-entity in my H's life. She is just something that he can't stop doing right now because he is weak and overwhelmed.
Thanks again, RCR. You have given me a lot to mull over.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I just read RCR's post to you and YES!!!! Everything she says is pretty much on target and good advice.
Remember familiarity breeds contempt.
Living together whilst trying to maintain a relationship based on lies and deceit does not make for happy campers.
You will see that things will begin to fall apart once the excitement wears off.
I can only tell you from my own experience that my Husband was totally infatuated with the OW. Their calls were daily, and lasted for hours. He made many trips to visit her all under the guise of "work" stuff.
When he finally moved out and was able to see her daily, their relationship ended within 2 months. She became controlling and manipulative. She would spend time with her friends and he became jealous. Her friends hated my Husband because they knew he was married, and they made him feel very uncomfortable.
She became more and more possesive and wanted to know what he was doing daily. The funniest thing she ever told me was that she was very upset with me because I made her relationship with my Husband so complicated.
Now I can look back and laugh at this BS.
I also want you to know that I still believe in happy endings. I have seen amazing things happen to people who believe in God on this board.
I have seen changes in my Beloved that I never truly thought would happen.
A couple of days ago he told me that he was more in love with me then he could put into words. Our anniversary is next Wednesday and we have not celebrated it for 4 years.
I decided not to even bother to mention it, as it is still very early in our new relationship. He brought it up. He told me that this was the first time in many years that he was excited to actually celebrate our union together and that he was really looking forward to it.
I am telling you this because this is a miracle.
If you go back and read the old archives you will see that this man is the same man who told me he hated me and wished I would drop dead. That I was a mistake in his life, blah, blah blah.
Now back to you...
You want to lose some weight, so what is your plan? Let's work on you and put your Husband on the backburner for now.
Set some goals just for you.
I don't know much about your financial situation, but can you go and buy yourself something nice to wear in your "goal" size? This has always motivated me to tone and get into shape.
I joined a kickboxing class which is so much fun and I am getting muscles...woohoo!! I have to quit smoking this week because of my upcoming surgery, so maybe you can give me some tips in that area. I am terrified of gaining weight as it took me so long to finally get to a place that I am happy with.
Now about the "date" that they are moving in together, can you make special plans for yourself? A pedicure, a spa or facial? Dinner or a movie?
You must use this date to celebrate the begining of the end, if that makes any sense. This is the day that they may move in together, but it is also the day that they will begin to truly sabotage everything in their fantasy world.
You must use this time wisely, and continue to work on yourself and get yourself emotionally fit and strong. You must be prepared in your heart for a "suddenly" and to let the anger go and the hatred for the OW go.
This September 9 it will be exactly 2 years since Beloved and OW ended their fantasy world. It takes a long time to grieve the loss of the other person. (Read SF's post on this). I think my Husband took almost a year just to get her out of his system. He said that it took a lot of self control not to call her. He did try once and she told him to never contact her again. (That is the most decent thing the bitch ever did)!!!
I brought her up the other day and said that I know she will try to contact him again, as they have this stupid cycle thing. Every few years out of the blue she contacts him, and then they get into a fight and don't talk for several years.
He told me that if I hear from her in any way, not to tell him. He wants nothing to do with her ever again because he now understands that she is a toxic person and has caused him much anguish and heartache for most of his adult life.
Your Husband will "get it" but it will be in God's timing, not yours. Have you read Prodigal's do come home? It is a great book and I bought it from Rejoice Ministries.
I think I have rambled on enough for now, please take care of yourself and do not lose your focus.
Have a wonderfully blessed weekend.
((((((((((Faith)))))))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
He told me that if I hear from her in any way, not to tell him. He wants nothing to do with her ever again because he now understands that she is a toxic person and has caused him much anguish and heartache for most of his adult life.
Mamma, read this over and over.
You know what happend to me.
When you truly love someone, you let them go. You let them go and work on their R with their wife. That is the correct thing to do.
YOu do not call, you do not interfere, you actually pray for their marriage to be restored.
Is the OW in your case doing any of this?
No she is not, she does not truly love your H, she is using him, and only looking out for herself.
They have no chance.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
Okay, you all made me cry today. I want you all to know that you have helped me tremendously. You were all sent as messengers from God to really get me to understand just what I need to do for me and that H is coming home someday.
I am so thankful for all the wonderful people I have met here.
S17, his best friend, and I went to get his senior pictures taken today. One of his football coaches has a photography business that he is just getting started. He is giving us a really good deal on his services.
He took a lot of pictures some at a park in at least 5 or 6 different settings some in front of a waterfall. I hadn't talked to the photographer about specific prices. He had just told the guys he would do their pictures for 50% off. I wanted to compare what he was charging to what we paid when S20 had his done. I looked on the computer check register I had saved from before we separated and I could only find the check for the sitting fee and the deposit from when we ordered his pictures. I couldn't remember how we had paid the rest. I decided I would call H. I haven't called H in at least 6 months. I bet it has been even longer than that. I bet it has been at least 9 months. Anyway, I was not nervous or rattled at all. I have come to realize that we have children together and whether heroin likes it or not, I will be talking with H regarding the boys. I will no longer only communicate via email. When I need to discuss something with him or ask him a question, if it is convenient for me I will call him and ask him.
When he answered the phone I said hi and ask how he was doing he said good and I started to tell him what I called for and he had to kind of interrupt to ask me how I was doing. I hurriedly said fine and told him what I was doing and ask him the question I needed to know. H used to be able to recall things much better than I but he didn't remember for sure, so we came up with a ball park figure, I thanked him and told him I would see him later and hung up but not before telling him a little about S17's poses and settings so far. H does need to know a little about what he is missing as far as S17's last year of school. I really felt quite proud that I called him and talked to him in a manner that suggested that I was busy and didn't have time for small talk. It felt good to get rid of some of the fear.
I felt great afterward. I almost think that it will be enjoyable to mess with heroin. I have much more control of her feelings of insecurities than she does mine now. Because I have God on my side. I will not do anything to aggravate H or be blatant about my actions but I will take full advantage of the fact that our youngest son is a senior and we have things we must do together as his parents.
I love you all and I want to thank you for all your help. I will keep you all posted but this week has been a real learning experience for me.
Last edited by ANewMe; 08/04/0709:44 PM.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
ANM, I like what you did today - calling your H. I think it's fine for you to call him because he doesn't have to answer, if he feels tha heroin won't like it. Go for it, girl! There's the "new" you.... living up to your name... Love, PH
Thank you so much. I appreciate your support. It did feel really right to call him like that.
The "new" me is feeling pretty good. I can see good things happening with many of us right now. I can't wait until your H come back to you. I can't wait until I can have an intimate R with my H again.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Yep, I just needed a good talking to AND a good talk to God! I got both!!
I just watch a movie called The Last Kiss. It made me cry but there was one line that spoke to me in volumes...another message from God?!?!
The father to one of the main characters, who was pregnant and had been cheated on by her boyfriend because he panicked at the idea of becoming a husband and a father, "What are you willing to do to get her back? BF responds, Anything! Father, Then do exactly that, do whatever it takes. Don't ever get up!! If you really want her back, you have show her you will do whatever it takes and never give up!" That is what I intend to do, never give up!
Last edited by ANewMe; 08/05/0702:28 AM.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
We ran out of gas on our way home from church. I thought I had enough gas to make it to the next station but I didn't. S20 was talking to his dad on the phone trying to set their get together. They were supposed to play putt-putt golf but it has been raining here all night and all morning. So they are going to go out to eat.
So Jim brought gas to us. We sat for probably a half hour while he got a can and brought us gas. I got out and both of the boys. We were all around him while he put gas into the van. The boys talking to him and I told him how sorry I was. He said it was no problem. I was just getting ready to get back in to start the van and looked at his vehicle and heroin was sitting in his vehicle watching us. I did really acknowledge her in any way because I really just glanced that way. I wasn't really expecting him to bring her with him. At first I was terribly hurt but talked to myself all the way home about how it is good that she is stuck to him like glue. My friend at church said she will give it 6 months and they will be apart. I hope she is right, it would be nice if he is more involved with us for the holidays this year.
When I got home, I called H and thanked him and apologized for not doing that face to face. I explained to him that I had to go to the bathroom really bad. He chuckled and said that was alright. He was glad he could help us. Then we began talking about S17's pictures and some of the posed. I told him that when the proofs came back, I would call him and we could sit down here with S17 and look and them and thin them out.
He said that sounds great and we chatted just a little and I told him to have a great afternoon and said goodbye. I hope heroin was still with him and listening us chat.
I feel good about our recent interactions and feel as if we will be back in a much closer relationship before Tyler graduates.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
