Go figure. After I had the blowup, I decided that I couldn't do it anymore. When I woke up Thursday morning I decided I was going to the lawyer to get an official separation agreement. Before I could leave the house, the W said she wanted to talk. I was about to say I have nothing to talk about, but I just decided not to say anything and listen to her.
She said she didn't know if she wanted a D, she just wanted to separate because she needs to get herself together without the pressure of me wondering when it was going to happen. I wanted to speak, but DR says to listen. She went on to say that she goes back and forth about wanting to leave. She said it would be easier on her emotionally if she left, but financially it doesn't make sense if we are going to be together in the future. It would just be a waste of money. I didn't offer anything. Actually, I didn't have anything to offer. I was content just listening to her speak.
She then went on to the sex. And how it hurt whenever we did it. At first it hurt physically, and then after awhile, it became too emotional for her. She would be afraid of it hurting, so she couldn't get into it emotionally. I listened. She said a whole bunch of other things. She has always felt it was me against her. That we were in a competition. From little things like getting the kids to school on time, to big things like buying our house. She didn't want this one. I thought she picked it out, but it was eleven years ago. My memory could be slipping.
She said she didn't have a plan. She just wants to continue her therapy and get herself better. Then she would be able to think about us. She also said I need to continue my therapy and get better myself. There is no timetable for this she wanted me to know. She also wanted me to know that there can be no sex until after she has dealt with her other issues. I don't think I am concerned with that. I have therapy for that.
Oh yeah, she still hasn't produced the panties form the other night. I am not asking again. I just know in my mind that the OM has them. And as long as she can't produce them, that's thought I will live with.
