Okay, you all made me cry today. I want you all to know that you have helped me tremendously. You were all sent as messengers from God to really get me to understand just what I need to do for me and that H is coming home someday.

I am so thankful for all the wonderful people I have met here.

S17, his best friend, and I went to get his senior pictures taken today. One of his football coaches has a photography business that he is just getting started. He is giving us a really good deal on his services.

He took a lot of pictures some at a park in at least 5 or 6 different settings some in front of a waterfall. I hadn't talked to the photographer about specific prices. He had just told the guys he would do their pictures for 50% off. I wanted to compare what he was charging to what we paid when S20 had his done. I looked on the computer check register I had saved from before we separated and I could only find the check for the sitting fee and the deposit from when we ordered his pictures. I couldn't remember how we had paid the rest. I decided I would call H. I haven't called H in at least 6 months. I bet it has been even longer than that. I bet it has been at least 9 months. Anyway, I was not nervous or rattled at all. I have come to realize that we have children together and whether heroin likes it or not, I will be talking with H regarding the boys. I will no longer only communicate via email. When I need to discuss something with him or ask him a question, if it is convenient for me I will call him and ask him.

When he answered the phone I said hi and ask how he was doing he said good and I started to tell him what I called for and he had to kind of interrupt to ask me how I was doing. I hurriedly said fine and told him what I was doing and ask him the question I needed to know. H used to be able to recall things much better than I but he didn't remember for sure, so we came up with a ball park figure, I thanked him and told him I would see him later and hung up but not before telling him a little about S17's poses and settings so far. H does need to know a little about what he is missing as far as S17's last year of school. I really felt quite proud that I called him and talked to him in a manner that suggested that I was busy and didn't have time for small talk. It felt good to get rid of some of the fear.

I felt great afterward. I almost think that it will be enjoyable to mess with heroin. I have much more control of her feelings of insecurities than she does mine now. Because I have God on my side. I will not do anything to aggravate H or be blatant about my actions but I will take full advantage of the fact that our youngest son is a senior and we have things we must do together as his parents.

I love you all and I want to thank you for all your help. I will keep you all posted but this week has been a real learning experience for me.

Last edited by ANewMe; 08/04/07 09:44 PM.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.