I think setting up a allowance and I am trying to think of better term for that is a good idea. The first 2 moveouts my H and I maintained the checking account. He emailed me every few days what checks he wrote. I also had it on line so I could see what was going on. My H was guilty and really didn't spend that much then. Maybe you could do that, have him email or voice mail the amount if you are going to maintain a joint account. I know that you do not want to seem like you are controling him or have him ask for money. I also would if you can try and have some cash of your own he does not really know about in reserve. Not for a divorce, but just in case or an emergency. You can never have too much money.
The only thing I would say about selling your house is that you may lose money as you have not been there long enough to recoop the realtor fees, etc. It depends how much if any equity you have in it and how things are selling in your area. I really think he is going to come back! You may just want to give it a few months and see how things are going. I would hate for you to sell it and then have to move, rent etc. You will lose on the listing fees alone. Sometimes it is better to do nothing. He is not talking D and you are in counseling. If his sessions run out and he has to go to authority you may be able to go together on your account. That is what we did for awhile, I went alone and then we went as a couple under my H's name and account. Same insurance, we just are allowed 60 visits each a year. I will lose my insurance in all this also if it goes thru. One thing at a time.
Don't worry about the divorce stuff because I don't think it is going to happen. If someone files jointly all that happens is that one party does not have to be served. You both sign the petition. In this state you can mail the papers to another party. They agreed to . I also think there a few rules for the military but it might be if someone is on active duty.
My H could never quite say divorce for a long time. I heard the we should have never been married, he should be alone. I have heard over the years he is unhappy and no one can fix it. I have heard it all. I would suggest you do not mention divorce to him unless he brings it up. I often said in counseling that there was nothing here between us that could not be fixed on both our parts and I did not want a divorce. I know that DR says you should not beg or plead but I thought making it clear at least once, but not too often in counseling is a good thing. I sometimes would say, what are you so angry about,you are the one that wants this. The thing that is going on is that they see themselves as flawed and full of self doubt. They can not figure out why they are unhappy and think that if they are alone they will figure it out. Hopefully they will figure out that we are not the ones that are making them unhappy.
On my side, I called H last night and said I was wondering if you put a deposit in my account as I paid the mortgage etc. He was paid yesterday. He said he was going to do this am. I said you know I think I want you sign the settlement agreement ( just a typewritten thing he has been submitting and changing and resubmitting and changing)He got a bit angry and said, YOU keep changing your mind, you can't do that! I did not say this, but I can do whatever I want! I tried not to argue with him but is so damm mad! Therapist said sign it as he will keep his word on it. He is telling me that he has to find a lawyer to do pro se and he does not want to move forward with out one. I said we don't need a lawyer to file as it is a simple piece of paperwork. I said let us set a date to file. He keeps threatening me with things like if you don't do this the way I want then I will hire a lawyer and the pro se thing is off.
This am he calls and says he is going to be out here ( 25 miles from downtown one way) and he will bring the agreement for me to sign and he added the things he forgot and will I sign it or look it over and then send it to him. He actually had a self addressed stamped envelope with him! When I wrote this I realize he may be trying to placate me because lately I have been threatening to file by myself.
I look the agreement over and sign it. It is not legal and binding but he does not know this. T says this will give him less to agrue with you and he can just sit back and figure out what is making him so angry. He might miss me, but I have my doubts about that! He was defensive. I just looked it over and signed it and gave it back to him pronto. I then said well lets set a date for filing. I need an attorney he goes! My one girlfriend said last night I bet he is in a panic trying to figure out what he left out of that agreement that you are so eager to sign it.
Then he starts his angry what did the insurance inspector say about the dead trees and cutting 2 down and starts his angry BS. WHICH TREES he yells, now that has changed too! I said the inspector left me a voice mail. I said I have no control over what he told me. I said give me chance to tell you what is going on. He is well did you get any paperwork on this yet. I bought all new homeowners insurance last month with no imput from him as he didn't want to be involved, got same coverage for a half of what we were paying and a 25% discount on the autos too. He was thanking via email last week for my work on it. I told him not one thing about the home side of it. Now I am incompetent! He gets mad and says I'm leaving, GOODBYE in a sign song nasty voice. I said I will email you later, I want to set up a date to file and I said or maybe I should go and do it alone! He had a smirk on his face. All I had to see was his nasty angry cut me off conversation and I was done. My therapist has said for a long time that this is going to be my call. He used to say the chances of H divorcing me are small, the chances of me doing are much higher. Maybe I am driving the train.
Not sure how we can exchange email address. Let me know!
