Plank/WAW, thread 2

[Heimlich]

Finally starting to feel a little more like a human being again.

Been laid low with the vertigo, still can't walk all that well, but can sit up for a few minutes without having the room spin.

Thanks for the food for thought and support.

SD,

After you DB your M, maybe you can come down to FL and act as our MC!

With Pleasure!

Matt, I think showing her detachment is about the only thing that's going to change this situation. That and keeping up the changes in myself I've been making. And, yes, going to have to check out the MLC info. The more I think about it, the more I realize there may be a little bit of that in our situation.

Amy, whatsyourpoint, and everyone,
I actually asked her if she felt pressured by all that I had said, she did say no. Again, she asked me what my gut/instinct was telling me. So I told her. Not sure if that required courage or not. Well, I guess a certain level of courage, because it sure as hell hurts to get semi-rejected after putting your heart out there like that, but, again, she did ask. I know at one point I told her that "In the Lifetime movie version of our life, now is when you would leap into my arms and promise that everything would be ok?" We both just smiled and I said I also use humor to alleviate my emotions, she said she knew.

Delia,

your wife, in particular, is easily overwhelmed, someone who needs quiet and down-time in order to unwind and feel truly herself. She may be blaming you for stresses that may actually stem partly from her own temperment.

YES! Thanks, this is so obvious that I've never really articulated it to myself. I think that there is a lot of this going on. It's funny, I've tried over the years to do things to lessen the stress in her life (one of the main reasons I've stayed at my job, can work at home -- easier to get kids and things like that). During that time, she did become less anxious, but I lost part of myself. She sees me as THE primary form of stress in her life (obviously, not something I consider entirely fair), but there it is.

You're probably more likely to get a full, coherent statement if you encourage your wife to speak her thoughts without fear of having to defend them.

I admit to having gotten impatient over the years with having to drag everything out of her. I never cared how she got it out, jsut that she did. I realized a few weeks ago that I wasn't respecting how she communicates and was expecting her to communicte just like me. Not fair to her.

I really hope that she really is attending to me carefully and I'll be able to surprise her. All hopes rely on that.

Atlas,

Yes, she's burned out on the R, or has convinced herself that she is. I can't tell if she's just totally done or locking her emotions away so that she can be totally done, if you know what I mean. She does seem like she's happy though, that's what bothers/scares me. Also, she just doesn't bring up her emotions to me, and hasn't for years. Hopefully, as I remain calm and lovingly detached from her over the next few weeks and months, she'll see that the differences/changes in me are real and will want to start knocking ont he castle door.

Actually, now that I think about it, she did initiate the R portion of this talk. I was about to shut up, so maybe her asking me to tell her what I really feel was a good sign. Of course, the continued "I'm done" statements hurt like hell.

As all of you are my witnesses, all positive, all the time. And no more R talks. Promise (unless she asks, right? I can talk then?)

She has been taking care of me for the last two days. Made me sandwiches and has asked if she could do anything for me. I know that she still loves me, but it's that damn spark. She took the girls to Savage Mill (antique mall south of Baltimore) this afternoon. Asked if i needed anything and gave me a kiss on the cheek before she left. I'd almost rather she didn't kiss me on one hand. On the other, it is a source of physical connection and, who knows, one day the kiss on the check might become something a little more.

Thanks again, everyone.

BD