switching doctors is really not an option right now I didn't have any thoughts of switching Dr's while he is in the hospital. I suggested switching was an option in case your brother has complained in the past and nothing was done to his satisfaction.
I didn't know of anyone that had taken it, it is not the "usual" one that is prescribed BB said it was used fairly often. Not as common as some meds were perscribed. Dr's have their favorite group of drugs, so what one Dr perscribes might/will be different for similar symptoms.
What is popular/common in midly depressed people, willing to talk about their depression might be totally different for someone like your brother. How many suicidal people does the average person like you and I talk to or hear about? Not too many that I know of. Mild to moderate depression, sure a fair amount of those types of problems are talked about.
My brother speaking up has always been one of his downfalls - That is common. That is one reason I suggested something like tough love if he stays with you.
While I was in a Adult Children of (parent/s) Alcoholics, some of the other members of the self-help group were on AD's and it was common for several of the people on AD's to cut back or quit taking their meds. Some of the side effects were the reasons for a few, but most depressed people thought they could tough it out and do OK w/o meds.
I could tell when some guys cut back on their meds by how the person acted.
right now he needs a little coaxing Yes, right now but don't try to be his mother so he can be irresponsible.
I don’t know about other people, but I think work and keeping busy solves/improves some mental health problems. I saw guys w/o work not get better. Just my opinion and observations.
I am not about to become his mother, I have enough problems of my own right now. But there will be house rules when he comes to live here. The two main ones will be he HAS to take his meds regularly and he HAS to go for counselling. He has a good job so, other than the first little while he is with us, that he might not be working, he will be busy most of the week. It was in the evenings that caused him the most stress. Nothing to do, all alone, depressed - that's when he would go out gambling.
If he is with us, there is lots I can get him to do around the house to help me or we can just socialize - which he needs too
Unfortunately, my brother has always been rather weak in being able to speak out and stand up for himself, especially when it comes to taking care of himself personally (i.e. doctors etc.) He has no problem if he thinks he has been wronged, i.e. like his wrongful dismissal suit he has going.
I will be seeing him today, and H is coming with me this time so it will be interesting to see what he thinks
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
my brother has always been rather weak in being able to speak out and stand up for himself, especially when it comes to taking care of himself personally Sounds like my 18 yr older brother. He was too shy to buy ice cream when he was in elementary school. Our brazen oldest sister did it for him.
My brother died in 1986 because he let his medical care go by the wayside. When he finally went to the Dr, it was too late. He lived 6 months.
My step-father created lots of conflict and I learned to be more assertive than my brother. My brother was M when my step-father showed up.
Moving 28 times between 2nd. and 10th. grade and going to different school forced me out of my shyness.
I didn't like my step-father, but have to say, sometimes I needed to stand up to others and I did stand up to him sometimes.
He has no problem if he thinks he has been wronged, i.e. like his wrongful dismissal suit he has going. That is a start, a seed to be developed and branched out so it covers/extends to less serious issues and to his personal life.
Shy or what ever some people call it, I tend to get what I call "stuck," related to procrastination, at some place and have a slow time getting un-stuck. Don't know if your brother is similar. Just thought it might help so passed along the idea of getting "un-stuck" might be more helpful than some other line of thinking.
Hope your brother is making progress. Best wishes to you, Mr HW, and your brother.
Hey, I have taken remeron. I read up on it and asked my doc about it. She said, "oh that's the drug we usually give old people who can't sleep." I gather it's pretty mild. It was okay-- I didn't notice much effect, but I didn't notice any bad effects.
There is a site called http://www.crazymeds.org (NOT ".COM") where you can find out all about psychoactive drugs. There's also a bulletin board where you're likely to get more responses to your question. For some reason I can't load that site right now-- not sure why. But try it some time. Or google on the name of the drug and the phrase "side effects" (in quotes) or "indications."
Well don't have to be concerned about Remeron because they have already changed his meds. He got excruciating lower back pain from it (one of the side effects) and they changed it immediately
He is now taking what he was before (Celexa) but a higher dose, along with Welbutrin (which I am very aware of) so we are keeping our fingers crossed. He seemed a lot better today (laughed a lot). I think my H being there with me helped him a lot too - gave him a boost
They have moved him to a less restrictive ward but he was told most patients are there 2-4 weeks. He still can't have his own clothes (afraid he will leave the hospital perhaps) but he is allowed to go outside on the patio for a smoke (something that was causing him a LOT of stress)
We picked his car up at the impound yard ($160) and then had to put gas in it (another $15 just to barely get it to our place) but at least it is here now and we don't have to be concerned about it
One day at a time
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
We picked his car up at the impound yard ($160) Lots of people don't know the impound lots charge what they do. I did a little tow truck driving and was surprised myself at all the extras some towing services charge.
I know Lou, but sometimes it just seems overwhelming
As much as I feel my H has been there for me in presence, there is very little emotional/physical contact from him. Right now I feel I need to have someone put their arms around me and just say "it will be ok" - is that so difficult?
For instance, he said he would take me out for supper last night, not only to celebrate me starting my new job, but also as a "release" of sorts from the hectic week I just went through. Then he asks if it was "ok" if his friend came along. I know I should have said "no, it would be nice to just be alone" I was just not in the mood to deal with it so I said it was okay - and I don't mind sometimes, he's a nice guy
Then when we get home, he says he is tired and wants to lay down for a while (once again, it would have been nice to talk a little but I knew he was tired from working 4 nights in a row) so I thought, well, he will lay down for a while and then we can talk for a bit
No, he gets up and goes straight to bed, no goodnight, no nothing. That was it, I went in the room and said "what, I don't even get a "I'm going to bed now" from you?" He just laughed it off and said, "come on to bed and cuddle me" - to which I just walked out of the room and closed the door
This morning I told him I was mad at him for what he did and he just brushed it off and told me not to be "so silly"
Those are the things that really irk me - there is no sensitivity in his blood at all. Come on, is it not obvious that his spouse needs a little attention after a week like I have had?
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Then he asks if it was "ok" if his friend came along. I know I should have said "no, it would be nice to just be alone" AH! Nice guy syndrome. BTDT. When we go out with some of BB's friends, I am the odd-person-out. I never invite my friends when we go out. I do invite our friends a couple times a year, but that sometimes becomes a sticky-wicket.
So next time are you going to say, "tonight I want you to myself?" with a wink and a flirty smile?
No, he gets up and goes straight to bed, no goodnight, no nothing. Sorry to say BTDT,. BB does it a lot. I even had several talks with BB to the point where she over reacted and wanted to know if she needed permission to go to bed.
I don't even get a "I'm going to bed now" from you?" He just laughed it off and said, "come on to bed and cuddle me" [/b[ It was an offer that side-stepped the real issue. I can understand your POV.
Any way to turn what I will call a, half of a pie offer, when you want the whole pie, into something you can live with?
[b] This morning I told him I was mad at him for what he did Good, it takes guts to bring up subjects like this.
Did you say what you wanted last night, instead of just bringing up the problem?
there is no sensitivity in his blood at all. Maybe not last night, last week, but he did treat you and the kids lovingly for a long time after he met you from what you posted.
A common theme on this and other forums, is the poster wants the old personality back their SO used to display.
Come on, is it not obvious that his spouse needs a little attention after a week like I have had? I see that. Maybe he thinks ignoring the events is the form of relief he needs. But I can't say.
Some people need to talk, others need to forget. Seems like a little detachment is how he handles things.
Right now I feel I need to have someone put their arms around me and just say "it will be ok" - is that so difficult? I do the arm/hand thing to BB but it is one way.
From my POV I don't know how much it helps solve BB's problems/concerns.
From Mr. HW's POV, what do you think he thinks. Bad move on my part, asking you what he thinks. Just a question for you to maybe work on.
The reason I brought up the "what do you think he thinks" is because I do lots of things for BB, the R and myself but see very little evidence, what I did has much value in BB's opinion. She feels the same way many times. So there are tow people doing what they feel should work and when it does not work in their eyes, they cut back or withdraw. Of course detaching from the problems is some people’s MO.
Well, the ST appointment was TENSE, to say the least. The session was bad enough but then we went for lunch afterwards and H really got into it and was SO defensive that we didn't talk all the way home AND for about 4 hours once we did. I was choked and ps'd off too. I won't go into too much detail but these are some of the things H told me:
(1) I can't change my personality (not that I was asking him to)
(2) maybe we aren't compatible
(3) maybe we shouldn't be together
(4) maybe I can't give you what you need emotionally
(5) I can't fix what you were lacking in your childhood
(6) maybe you need to fix something inside of you but that has nothing to do with me
He got so totally defensive and the conversation got absolutely nowhere. It got so intense at one point, I truly though our R was over with
After 4-5 hours of silence, he came into the livingroom and started making small talk, I was cool about it
He then initiated a conversation which ended up being a pretty good talk. We discussed women's emotions (which he insisted were different from men's, but I said "they aren't different, some people just process them differently". It took quite a while before he understood where I was coming from and changed his tune and said "maybe I didn't explain myself correctly, I meant to say women need more emotional support" - which I don't agree with either, but we agreed to disagree on that one, until we see the ST again.
The bottom line, I guess, is that we survived our first emotionally focused therapy (which can be brutal from all I have read about it and a lot of couples don't manage to stick it out - I am hoping we are not one of the those couples)
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Heywire I know that thing are rough at times going through that stuff. My wife and I went through some EFT with our ST. If you're in the lower mainland like I think you are the technique was originated here and the therapists should be well trained. If you're seeing the same ST as we did he was one of the first to put it into practice. So I think you should be in good hands.
Therapy can be great but it's really scary at times and we went through a few times where after a session we had major major blow outs, I can remember one fight in particular where I was so pissed at the whole thing that I couldn't even see straight. "Growth isn't smooth" thats what the ST said and I believe him.
