Twenty years ago, there was an Ann Landers column that read. Most women want to be held in bed and had sex with their H to be held, not for the sex.
My W clipped it out and gave it to me and said, “here is what I have been telling you. I am normal.”
Now imagine the uproar that would have ensued if an opposite poll had been conducted, with the conclusion that "most men want to be with their wives in order to screw them, not to hold them, and only held their wives in order to have sex." And imagine a HD husband pulling out a column like that and saying, "Look, I'm normal."
We'd call the guy who only acted romantic in order to have sex...well we know the sorts of things most of us would call him. It's too bad there isn't enough social pressure in the opposite direction, because it makes a man feel just as bad to think his wife looks at sex only as something to "put up with" in order to get hugs or "romance" or the other things she wants.
It doesn't work that way. One leads to the other...whichever one we're talking about coming first and whichever side makes the first offer. And if you expect one without the other, no matter which side of this equation you're on, you're gonna wind up with neither. And that is something "LD" people need to learn.
