Your way is not being frowned upon by me, BH or anyone that I know. I hope no one is making you feel this way. I understand Lissie. I went thru a period this week of thinking, I can't let him get away with this. He can't just rewrite history and me let it go.
Well, he can and I WILL let it go. Somehow I will continue to deal with the damage w/o involving him or even letting him know it existed. Your baby girl needed to cry and let it out. What would puff do if he knew....maybe nothing and then you'd be hurt and angry all over again. This way, you and the precious one deal with it and she loves you for letting her feel and not trashing her dad.
Mine have helped me understand this. They know what he did but they are going to love him anyway. My mother abused me terribly and still does...but I love her anyway. You just can't help it. I stay away from her but my feelings for her are natural...it is how we are designed by God. What if things were different....what a bigger mess, huh. I just have to deal with it.
I still learned to love and became a good mother w/o her love and help. In fact she has said mean things to my kids about me. That's when I put my foot down. I help her when I can and step out of the way when she is mean.
My children's father trashed me to my Dad about a month ago. He quietly put him in his place and diffused the situation. I will always respect my Father for handling things in his quiet manner. He has never trashed anyone. I have seen him get angry....he hopped a fence when he was in his mid-forties to stop a crazy baseball coach who threatened to hit some high school boys with a baseball bat during a fight at a high school baseball game. My Dad never raised his voice...but the guy knew if he raised that bat he had invited my Dad to have his way with him.
Mentally ill is not the proper word. Just being selfish is more like it. Stay your sweet self. The children will respect you more. They will see things for what they really are. My D understands. She says it hurts her when I say things against her dad. Keep taking it w/o blowing up. He knows what he has done...let God deal with it is His way...it's not our place too, I guess. I promise right now it is best. You and I were raised or learned to always do the right thing. We have been sorely tested recently, but we are passing the test.
