LS: First, my condolences regarding your grandmother. I am sorry for your loss.
As you may remember, I have been where you are. My wife went out of town to see her OM a few weeks ago. When she returned, wife expected me to be grumpy, passive-aggressive, moody, etc. She didn't get any of that. Now, she did not get a hero's welcome. On the contrary, I made it a point to be out of the house when she returned. But when I saw her again, it was as if she just got home from a day at the office.
The point is, when your wife returns, you need to not give her what she expects. You can look her in the face . And when you do, you will see a confused, frightened person. Somebody who needs a strong husband who is not afraid to go after what he wants.
Here's an idea on how to handle it. Try to have your son around when you are with your wife just after she returns. Make sure he is in the room. And look at him while you are with your wife. See somebody who needs mom & dad together. Draw strength from his presence; draw strength from his needs. You will have clarity, I promise you that. You will not yell, or get angry. You will have a strong sense of purpose, and you will know just what to do.
Mark, Thanks for the suggestions. I guess first I have to make it through the next 5 days. I plan on doing things w/kids. I also made a list to do while she is away. I cant help thinking about it. Im beside myself and feel sick to my stomach. This is a huge deal, we are not jet setters. I flew for the first time this year to Mexico w/w, she flew once when she was younger. I dont think she has even left Fargo yet. I am so discouraged.
Today after work, i moved my stuff back into our room(witch i plan on staying in even after w returnes). There was a note on her dresser that read: Marty, I'm sorry for putting you through all of this. Thank you for giving me the space that I needed. Toni
Its hard not to read into this, at first i thought it was good ,then I remembered she is w/om right now and don't know what to think.
I sure would like to go kick his a$$ right now, if he lived here I probably would have.
The fureral went well. Got to see some cousins I havn't seen in a while. Lied about where w is. Wanted to go to bar w/cousins but had a 2 1/2 hr drive home. I stayed and visited w/others. I had a nice talk and feel closer to my d20 with the travel time together. Grandson was very popular with everyone.
On the drive home w/texts me: Sorry about your grandma, hope all went ok today. Maybe im coniving but here is what i did: Guessing that she texted me w/out om knowing I waited about a half hour and texted her back(hopefully interupting whatever they are doing), I wrote: Everything went good. Our grandson was a huge hit with the family.
My d20 made the comment that w hadnt texted her back and also asked if i had spoke to her. The first times she asked i said no I hadn't talked to her then the last time i said we texted.
My s7 just left w/bil, him and his cousin are going to grandparents for the week.
I am trying to keep busy and not think of sitch, it doesnt really work. My heart stops regularly throughout the day. I feel like I should be carriing a defibulater.
I think d20 is here gtg
false alarm I just wanted to add that w/didnt call to say goodnight to kids last night, that isnt like her. The night before she called and spoke to kids. I could here her voice while kids where talking to her and I had to leave the room.
LS: Funny thing, but before wife knew that I knew about the affair, she would call every evening when she traveled. Now that I know, she does not call, especially if the business trip is extended in order to spend extra time with OM. Most recent trip was one night, and she did not call at all.
I just found out that for her upcoming business trip in two weeks, she extended a one-night stay to a three night stay (extra time with out-of-town OM). She has no conscience.
I know this is a tough time for you. I have been there, and will be there again in two weeks. We both need to remain strong for our kids. Hang in there...
-do what she asked -text her to call d11 now -nothing -call her myself -tell her to take a flying ... you get the idea -disconnect her phone -go let the air out of her car tires in fargo airport
I am feeling very bitter right now, can ya tell!
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
