"The beatings will continue until morale improves"

[faithisbelieving]

I needed a short break. I don't intend to return with negativity, although, I hope not to go back there too often. I picked my title as a joke....it was a T-shirt I bought in Nov. 05 when we were in Disney World, pre-bomb. I hope to post more factually and try not to come across as bashing my W. Sadly, most of the facts ARE sad. My W's interactions toward me are becoming more hostile and negative. There truly isn't much positivity anymore. I will relate later, this mornings occurrence, which was typical of either me not thinking or trying to 'fix'....or....just spew. I can't tell anymore.

However I wish to post the following email from my friend, which crushed me. My buddy 'Rich'...lived a few blocks away from me growing up. Our neighborhood had a large community pool and our younger years were....well..halcyon days. Little League, swimming lessons, pool shows, 1 on 1 Nerfball and 'steamball' batting sessions, proms....etc. You get the picture....a lifelong friend. He was married before me, I would guess somewhere between 15-20 years. He has 3 kids and both of them are attys. They live up in Boston.

A week or so ago, my first GF from elementary school (no, no EA in the making)called me about our 30th reunion which is in early September. At that time, she told me that he was divorced as was another close friend from those days (trendy thing, ay?). I played phone tag with my buddy Rich for a few days, then received the following email from him, which crushed me. I think you can tell a little bit about the type of man he is. Sure..no one knows what goes on under the rooves of other people, but, it sounds like just another victim of this horrible process.

Oh Frank.
I'm sick to my stomach for you.
My story is very similar, right down to the working out to burn off the anger.
I, too, never DREAMED that I would raise my kids in this kind of environment. It's humiliating and makes me feel like a failure. But most of all, I'm so sad for them. I would take a bullet for them. How can we put them through so much pain?
I am now just about 2 years into it. And just like clockwork I am starting to come out of it. I'm finally secure that my relationship with my kids will stay intact. I no longer burn with despair on those Sunday afternoons when I am sitting at home a half a mile away from them when we could be bike riding, having a catch or just hanging out. I've stopped counting the number of nights when I have been denied the privilege of putting them to bed and hearing the mundane, stupid stories that make life rich. I think we're over the hump, but outside of getting diagnosed with a fatal disease, this is the worst thing I will ever experience.
So, I'm off to catch a plane to DC. I have a meeting there tomorrow. I'm leaving early to get back for my 6 o'clock softball game (same old 'Rich'). Then moving on Wednesday, and through a quirk in our schedule, I've got the kids from Wed-Sunday so we will settle into the new place together. Just in time for a Court hearing with the former love of my life.
I swear, I'm going to write a book about the female mid-life crisis. I'll call it: Women at midlife -- They All Go In-F@#$ing-Sane.
If it's any consolation, I remember XXX as sweet and kind and you guys seemed very happy. Don't let her rewrite history. She has to try so she can justify the destruction she has wrought. But it's not real.
Hang in there. I will call you soon.

Tearing up again. He must have suffered greatly. Apparently his W hooked up with her old high school BF....the details of which I still don't know. I want to put my arm around my buddy and talk. We exchanged another email....I'll probably head up to New England with the kids this fall.

I pray that some of you are having positive things in your sitch.

Strength and honor.

Frank