Hopeful, I will try to chime in with my own opinion. I have talked to a walkaway H (not mine) recently and it cleared a lot of things in my head regarding their thoughts and the mechanisms that are behind their actions. So to make a long story short, two things seem to come through your thread. One is that your H is very hurt and this emotion makes him push you away and not trust you. In the same time (this I know from the WH as well) deep down he might want you to fight for him and keep the marriage.
What I would suggest for you is to give him all the space he needs,GAL and work on yourself, but in the same time try to communicate towards him that you still love him. Not by words, but by actions. Be kind, considerate, like a zen buddhist who would never hurt anybody, and just radiates love. It is very hard, but you can start working in that direction. Being close to him right now gives you the advantage that you can show him that you are a "safe person" and his hurt will slowly diminish if you keep working on yourself and emanate love. Real love, not neediness, clinginess. That is how you get rid of the neediness. You will have time to think about your needs later. While talking about money matters you can still be firm and set your boundaries without being hateful. Just stick to what you want, formulate it clearly and eventually it will get through.
You are in a VERY good position to save your relationship (maybe not the marriage, but it doesn't matter, the R as I see it is very much saveable), so please read around as much as you can on this board, read the DR book again and again ... I really think there is so much hope for you. If you feel needy, try to work on yourself. Try to get yourself out of that state, read, make friends, find a hobby, because the only person who you can control is YOU and the only person who should have control over you is again YOU. You are being pulled back into the swirl, but you can act cool if you know that this is going to be a rough ride.
You are doing everything OK, don't loose it. You are going in the right direction, my advice is don't get hung up on the D. It makes you loose your cool. D is just a word. The R does not die with the D being final. Many people remarry after it and there is not so much you can do on that front besides trying to slow the process down without your H knowing it. But the smallest shift you can make in your attitude can take the whole M in a new direction.
I am sorry if my thoughts seem a bit incoherent, I just got back after a very long trip and I am still very tired. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you, you are doing very good, you are in a much better position than many of us here. Don't forget that. Never mind your relatives and friends, if you want to save your M, focus on the knowledge Michele gives you. If you can understand it,read it until you FEEL it, LIVE it, it will save you and most probably your M too.
