i got a lot of this from my w, it sounds like your w is really burned out. i would suggest that since she is in this state, don't bring up any r talks when she comes around. she isn't in a state to deal with it and she probably thinks everything in her life is not going well, so a negative attitude on her behalf is going to perceive everything as negative.
let her gain some pma, wait until you start to see that and then she will begin initiate the r talks and just validate. i think for highly emotional people the whole sitch can be very difficult to face, and dust settling period has to happen prior to any real decisions being and work being done.
