Thank you so much RCR. After reading your quotes, I realized that I cycle bad and some of the things that pop into my head while I am posting thankfully don't stay there long.

There was one section that I am not sure I understand.

Quote:
Cycling Faith? I knew it was just my imagination tripping me up, so I laughed it off. But I used to ask...did God give me my KNOWING so I would THINK Sweetheart would come home--though it was a lie--and thus I would learn and grow through the process? No...God doesn't do that. How about how we interpret what God tells us...that is your true fear in this issue. You so want God to say one thing, so are you hearing only what you want--through fabrication?


If you could explain what you mean by this, I would appreciate it.

As for the part about the other girlfriend taking her side and pretending not to. She and I went to dinner almost once a week. H, OW, and this gf graduated together. I was a few grades ahead of them. OW and gf lived near me when I was young. I knew them pretty well. OW was a overweight awkward not very attractive young girl. Not bragging or anything but when I was young, I was thin but curvy and had long wavy/curly hair. I didn't realize it until much later in life but I was attractive and some of the younger girls wanted to be me. I am really embarrass to say that because I never thought I was pretty or desirable. My dad was so mean that most boys that lived near us were afraid to ask me out at all. So I rarely dated as a teen. I was told by several guys after I was grown that they had crushes on me but were afraid of my dad.

Anyway, the purpose of this information is that I think that OW might have been one of those girls and that having my husband is just what you said it was a way to punish me.

gf and OW have been close friends longer than I have ben close with gf. So when this all blew up, gf tells me that she is not going to make choices but she doesn't call me anymore despite telling me every time I run into her that she will call me to go out. Never happens.

While talking to Holly today, she reminded me that H and OW moving in together is a good thing. I know in my head so many things but I doubt myself and what I feel I have been given from God.

I am sure that God plans to restore my marriage. I just have to keep fighting the evil one that is planting the seeds of doubts for me. I do need to forgive for me. Not forgiving hurts me more than her. I have a new name for OW, it is heroin because she is just an addiction. I like that better than Skank Ho because that name reminds me that I have given her too much power. Heroin makes her a negative factor in H's life and reminds me that she is a non-entity in my H's life. She is just something that he can't stop doing right now because he is weak and overwhelmed.

Thanks again, RCR. You have given me a lot to mull over.

Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.