At this point, I don't really know what to do. Maybe I have started this way too late, maybe things can't change at this point, but I am refusing to give up. I just need some encouragement and support here that what I am doing isn't crazy!
My husband and I have been together for almost 13 years, and have been married for almost 7 years. We have two wonderful little boys, 2 1/2 and 6 months. He walked away 10 days after my youngest son was born (great timing!). To give some background, he and I were actually almost done mediating our divorce (against my wishes--but didn't feel like I could do anything to stop it), but recently we have definitely been reconnecting--actually right before I started reading Michelle's books and talking to the coaches.
On one hand, when we are together things seem to be completely "normal" and we have been spending time together as a "family", and time together as a "couple" (including being intimate again). He calls me at night, invites me to dinner, agrees to go out for coffee with me, etc, but in the very next breath, he is pushing for divorce. Telling me that while he definitely is enjoying being with me right now, he doesn't think that it will ever "work" for the long term. He says he has felt extremely hurt and rejected by me for so long that he doesn't think he'll ever be able to get over the anger he feels. But then he turns around and encourages me to change his mind. Despite that, he has given me Tuesday as a deadline to decide whether we will continue with mediation (we have been going for a few months) or have to go to court to finalize the divorce. Although he says that if we change change our minds (read: if HE changes his mind), then we can stop the divorce at that point. I just don't know what to do...if we end up in court, things will definitely get pretty bad. In mediation, we got hung up on money issues--child support, alimony, etc, so I'm pretty sure that things won't be too pleasant if we have to go to court. This clearly won't be good for reconciling, but I don't have any power to stop this.
I just don't know what to do at this point. I started this feeling like I had some power and that I could influence our relationship in a positive way, but right now, I'm feeling extremely weak and needy. My heart is so tied up in this right now that I'm not thinking straight. I don't want to have my heart broken again, but I feel like engaging him in this "relationship" is just going to hurt me in the end if he does not agree to reconcile and pushes for the divorce. My friends and family think I am crazy and I'm beginning to wonder whether I am.
Please help! Any encouragement and advice on how to handle this situation that is SO close to being finalized is greatly appreciated!
