A framed photo of the kids and handmade gifts from them is PERFECT! I did the same thing. I also gave him a goofy card with two people (man and woman) on a rollar coaster, and indicated our names for the characters. It said something inside about getting through some of the ups and downs. And I wrote. "Girlfriends and boyfriends may come and go, but parents are forever... Hope we can always be friends forever... wherever life leads us..." big smiley face and then my name.
Your husband probably isn't ready for that card yet, but maybe in the future(?). You have to realize that my husband and I were in the middle of a divorce at that time!
I'd say, at this point, put this thing at about a 4-6 month time frame (for now). Maybe that will help you keep a perspective on time. Your husband may come out of this sooner depending on how annoyed he becomes with OW (and she sounds controlling to me so he may tire of her quick... but don't count on that!). He'll probably ossiliate alot and mentally go back and forth between both of you before this is through. You do want him COMPLETELY sick of her before he comes back so there's no regrets later. And that will probably take some time.
But I like your attitude! I think you are doing great!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thanks ROOT, yes I had decided to give it a 6 month time frame, although that is going to make the holidays sticky. I did get pretty down today, but my best friend in the whole world was able to talk me through it. She went through a three year seperation and is reconciled with her husband, except she was the one who walked out. She has been my rock and my brain of reason.
Yeah I think I will hold off on the personal birthday card, but make the appointment for the photo next week.
I almost broke down and texted him that I missed him, was missing him something horrible today (saw him this morning to get money and he looked REALLY good). but i did not do it. i realized there were three scenario responses, either he would not respond, or he would be nasty, or he might respond by saying he misses me too. all of which would have drove me crazy in one way or another.
Expect ups and downs, setbacks and bad decisions. It happens, but I think what helped me was being on this site and reading, rereading and even writing down things I didn't want to forget or wanted to remind myself of.
I'm glad you have a good friend who has been through this. She will help. I had friends going through similar experiences at the same time and that helped tremendously. We'd do walks and have coffee at Starbucks together. In the midst of something really difficult and painful, those were some great times. Hold onto "silver linings"! They are there!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Expect ups and downs, setbacks and bad decisions. It happens, but I think what helped me was being on this site and reading, rereading and even writing down things I didn't want to forget or wanted to remind myself of.
I'm glad you have a good friend who has been through this. She will help. I had friends going through similar experiences at the same time and that helped tremendously. We'd do walks and have coffee at Starbucks together. In the midst of something really difficult and painful, those were some great times. Hold onto "silver linings"! They are there!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thanks ROOT trying to see the silver lining in all of this. Last night was really wierd, some strange texts from H. He was texting me about really nothing, and we were having a conversation about the X Games. Something he was NEVER interested in before, but it is something the OW is interested in. I went along with it, but my friend told me that it was really rude of him to talk to me about those things, without even thinking it might bother me. I didn't let me bother me, because I just realized he is just not himself and he just is not thinking. I think right now he just sees me as a friend? Not sure. I am trying not to read into it to much.
H gets off work early today and he is going to have the kids from dinner on until tomorrow night. This will be the longest he has had the kids, and that I have been away from them. I know that the OW has the day off work, and he already told the kids they are going to have shishkabobs and have an x games watching party. trying not to let it bother me, but it does, cuz i know this all comes from OW. It is actually funny to see that he is giving up so much of his true self right now and taking on the OW's interests, etc. That is the sort of thing you do with highschool boy friends and girlfriends isn't it? Just thinking out loud here.
Tonight I am going out with a friend to go dancing and drinking. It will be the first time out, and although I am excited, I am sort of freaked about it. I know it will be good to not be here by myself all night, but part of me wants to cancel. I have to go get something to wear, since I really don't have anything. I have been a sahm for so long that my wardrobe consists of jeans, tank tops, and flip flops. LOL
wish me luck, that i dont chicken out, and that i have a good time tonight.
Ugh. A friend just called and during the conversation she mentioned she saw my H and the OW walking around downtown (my friend works down there) with the OW's D7. Why is this bothering me so much? I know he is with the OW and I feel like a big dummy sitting here waiting. Maybe because I always think of them just being at his house, but this was the wake up call that they go around town and act as if what they are doing is completely not wrong.
