Ok, so my wife filed for legal seperation, when i asked her about this, she said she really was confused and felt we needed to get space between us. She admits she can't find clarity about how she feels about me/us with this new relationship.

I'm really confused by it too. The paperwork for legal seperation is basically 90% of a full divorce, we have to come to all the same agreements to make it happen.

So i don't know why my wife didn't just file for divorce, here are the possible reasons:

1. she really is confused, and is hoping that once we live apart she will feel differently?
2. she wants to continue cake eating, by leaving the door open to our marriage without making any efforts or compromises.
3. she is trying to make this easy on me.
4. she thinks i'll handle the negotiations more amicicably if i think we are being seperated and not divorced.


So i'm torn between my own two options:

1. keeping my mouth quiet and just seeing how this plays out. Who knows a miracle may happen in the next couple of months.
2. asking her for her reasonings for seperation, and saying if you want to be seperated and not divorced than i feel she should show me some effort to find clarity (which means pausing/ending) her relationship for some time while we are seperated. - this is probably just a fast road to divorce, but at least i would be sure that she wasn't trying to 'make this easy on me' or 'manipulate me'.

thoughts?


--- i will say i have gotten some clear indications from her that she really is confused on some levels, however her actions keep her moving in the direction of this new guy and her infatuation with him. I want to sit her down and convince her all the reasons she should give us a try for us and our kids, but i know its completely counter intuitive.

Basically she says 'i know staying together is better for the kids, i also see the remote possibility of us being happy together, but i want to be with him'. she admits the selfishness of this too. I want to give up, i can't believe my wife would say things like this and still move forward with her actions.