Things have been going along fine, sometimes even good. Yet.. where is H tonight? out with ow? Is he where he says he was going to be? does it even matter?
I've been out being a crazy person getting a life, reconnecting with old friends, being super busy with work. We have been acting almost like a normal family. Sometimes I can actually feel H being drawn to me. Great on the surface, right? How can we feel sometimes as if things are ok.. It's weird. My outlook on life in general is MUCH improved. My outlook on the possibility of saving my M is not so good..
I feel like this has been going on so long that I can't even decide if things that are said or done are good or bad. H told me last week that he's realized how much he really loves me.. Then, a few days later the ow tm's him LATE at night on our weekend away. He said that he wasn't going to answer but, I know that he did later when he thought I didn't know.. So, which one is it? Is it that you really love your W but also really love screwing the ow?? Is that it??
Tired, tired, tired.. Tired of the lying, tired of not being a part of all of my spouse's life, tired of always wondering where, with who, what...
My outlook on life really has been much better - I swear! Guess I'm just feeling very melancholy tonight and my imagination is running wild... Time to go make a cocktail!
