My Miracle will come....

[mkultra]

How are you? We are thinking of you at this time. You are loved and treasured so remember that you deserve to be treated as such. He needs anger management and a lot of space. Try not to call him and respond carefully. keep it all business. If that is too difficult it may be time to talk through a mediator or lawyer, but his rage may keep him from bommincating with these boundaries. I know you will come out of this OK if you stay strong. Take care of yourself first. Remember that plane scenario? We have to give ourselves oxygen first so that we can care for our children and others. Put yourself first this time.

[NikB]

(((Ali)))

How are you doing?

[Delil@h]

I will post more later but he came home yesterday afternoon and stayed and now a Woman called him last nite... I only know cause I called it back.... I am so disgusted.... I am contemplating telling him to leave or just leave it to GOD?


I am soooooooooooo confused and actually disgusted and feel so sick to my stomache.

I asked him this morning who called you last nite ( it waS @ 10:42 PM) AND HE SAID ( LIKE HE IGNORANTLY IS) I DO NOT KNOW, HOW RIDICULOUS, HOW I AM SUPPOSED TO KNOW,,,,

aND HE WAS SERIOUS....HOW PATHETIC...........


I AM SORRY TO SOUND SO RUDE BUT I AM FED UP... WHAT TO DO? mY HEART TELLS ME TO ....
wILL POST MORE LATER BUT JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW I AM GOING TO BE OK HE IS FALLING AND HE MAY SOON LOSE ME I DUNNO HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE.....
~ALI

[Delil@h]

I will post more later but he came home yesterday afternoon and stayed and now a Woman called him last nite... I only know cause I called it back.... I am so disgusted.... I am contemplating telling him to leave or just leave it to GOD?


I am soooooooooooo confused and actually disgusted and feel so sick to my stomache.

I asked him this morning who called you last nite ( it waS @ 10:42 PM) AND HE SAID ( LIKE HE IGNORANTLY IS) I DO NOT KNOW, HOW RIDICULOUS, HOW I AM SUPPOSED TO KNOW,,,,

aND HE WAS SERIOUS....HOW PATHETIC...........


I AM SORRY TO SOUND SO RUDE BUT I AM FED UP... WHAT TO DO? mY HEART TELLS ME TO ....
wILL POST MORE LATER BUT JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW I AM GOING TO BE OK HE IS FALLING AND HE MAY SOON LOSE ME I DUNNO HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE.....
~ALI

[tyler]

Hey Ali, sorry to see you going through this. The ups and downs are incredible aren't they?

One second I want to walk away and never look back, here is your money, actually it will be EFT'd so I won't have to see you, take it and shutup. We'll have a third party handle the transfer of our kids for visitation. I just want to never see her again. I can't believe I tried this hard for this long for someone to just look at my effort and say, "I told you I was done a long time ago".

The next second I think, God can still do miracles and surely God wouldn't want my kids to suffer, look at what they are going through already. I can do this. I can take it. I can put myself aside, take her crap, her nights out to all hours, texting and calling constantly and all hours. All of it, I can take if I can just keep things together so my kids aren't hurt.


What a ride Ali. I feel for you. I wish there was something I could do to help.

Hang tough, you will be okay regardless of the outcome.

[oldtimer]

Ali,

You have an abusive spouse. Have you worked with a C on this at all? For your own sake and for your kids, it is important for you to talk to someone who can give you an objective view on your sitch. To me, it doesn't sound like H should return until he does significant work on himself.

[Delil@h]

Thanks OT and thanks TY for your wisdom. I feel that way too I can take it all just so myids are happy but then I think how much happier would they be if I had more energy instead of him stealing my beauty every 5 minutes when he is bad?

OT ~ I do not think he will see a counselor he is off the deep end he says he is not to blame for anything cause he "provides " for us and I am a bad Mother etc. etc.

I was Married before and he was a cheater too and one day I just got fed up and never looked back. I Married him when I was 18 and was "pure" if you get what I MEAN and he gave me and STD before I married him and I did not even know ... I naively thought it was like a Yeast Infection. ( went to the DR was diagnosed and given meds AND HE KEPT HIS DIRTY LITTLE SECRET)

Till years later when he admitted it to me.... so 9.5 years of Marriage to a Man who never loved me I was just his "trophy" and now this. I do love my H very much but he is sick and he actually thinks he is well. That is what is the worst part.

I seem to keep Marrying my Father.. he is an alcoholic and has a drug problem once in a while too. PITIFUL..

I am tired of allowing myself to be the victim, I am tired of living in fear of losing what I TREASURE EVEN THOUGH IDO ALL THE RIGHT THINGS....

And then again maybe I do all the wrong things ....
being too loving
being too naive
and always hoping for the best

I am going to really have to get strong and find my center cause this is making me lose it. Making me feel so ugly... and I am actually an amazing Woman... but I do not let it shine when he drags me down... I start to and then he steps in and make sure " I am in my place so to speak"

and he actually thinks he is the good one... it takes 2 to cause M problems and he thinks it is only me..... sure I am not perfect but I am trying and he is allowed to do whatever b/c he lives in a caveman world where if you have a Penis you RULE. And like COG SAYS AND IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TRUE. As long as he is sick it will stay this way.
I have a lot of wonderful qualities and I forget when he is mean to me...... not good.


I feel ok and at the same time as I post I feel weepy .. I have carried this cross for a very long time and he goes and looks for something better than me and then he comes back when he sees I love him best and I am beautiful.
I am at a crossroads and I dunno which way to go....
keep going and pray that God will see me thru and work a Miracle on my H ...

OR

STOP and turn around and walk away from the pain and the agony at times and the hurt.

Wow I am babbling and I feel like I dont know what is the right decision..... keep trying and keep loving and find my HAPPINESS WITH HIM or walk away and be miserable for a while but come out ok in the end. And be happy too.....

I am at a loss and need to calm down.....
God bless.....

[BeingMe]

Here are a few things to remember (that I think apply to you), that I got from Dr. Phil:

# Take responsibility. You have played a role in setting up the relationship this way, and you must play a role in changing it. Telling your partner that the treatment is unacceptable is not enough. Your actions speak louder than words, so you need to make two bold moves: Change your own routine or behavior, and tell your partner you will no longer take the abuse.

# Dr. Phil refers to a saying: "There are no victims, only volunteers." Don't go along to get along. Peace at any price is no peace at all.

# Research shows that kids who grow up in an emotionally barren, abusive environment don't do as well as kids who grow up with one well-adjusted, single parent.

Think about how much this applies to you, and what the implications are for your children, if you decide to remain in this abusive R. If your H won't go to counselling, I sure hope you do, to help you see the reality of your sitch, and what you can do to change it. Sometimes, we need an objective person to help us get through this sort of thing. Probably why we come to forums such as this.

Take care.

Taken from these links:
http://drphil.com/articles/article/19/
http://drphil.com/articles/article/37

[Delil@h]

Thanks you all you are so sweet and yes he is being very abusive ..... I grew up this way and vowed never when I am grown.

Being me..... I wish I could meet you in person you seem to know what to say to get me really thinking!

~ well you all do and you all have made me feel so special~
...... but may I say that yes I have apparently volunteered to be his scapegoat and I am very tired of allowing it.

I feel like a fool for loving him still. I feel like a fool if I walk away and I feel like a fool for loving someone who cannot love me in return .

.....who no matter how hard I try is still...... JUST..... empty.

No matter what I do he is still empty... I simply seem to him to not do enough to show my love........ UGGGGGGGGGH.
He is very , very sick to say the least and what he said the other day plays and plays in my head over and over again. YUCK!!!!!!!!!



I need to get help and I do so appreciate everyones input.... he needs help but too.... Praying for a real Miracle cause he thinks he is just fine.....
God bless...

[BeingMe]

Never feel a fool for loving someone. Whether they deserve that love or not, is another matter, however. You love him, but he is broken, and no amount of love is going to fix him. He has to do that himself. In the meantime, I would love him from a distance, with plenty of boundaries in place, and not tolerating for one second any abuse. Walk away. You are not doing your kids any favours by hanging on, hoping he's going to change. They will be better off not having to see this abuse going on.

I wish I could meet you too, but I would prefer to meet your H, so I can tell him what an a$$ he is, and various other gentle remarks like that. Anyway, you need time and space from him, to work on YOU, to regain your confidence, and self esteem. Just know that you are special, and you do not deserve this abuse. Don't let his words hurt you ... they are foolish utterings of a sick mind, and you are wasting your time even thinking about them.

Keep praying, but also DO! Take care!