The Golden Rule doesn't always result in anyone doing unto you what you did unto them.

You are willing to overlook others' flaws, but not your own. Having your flaws pointed out to you hurts badly, because you're ashamed of them, so you think that pointing out anyone else's flaws is going to hurt them just as deeply, and you try to avoid doing that and you want them to do the same to you. While other people assume that a certain degree of constructive criticism is part of normal interaction between people that are close to each other, and they get confused and frustrated when you react so strongly to it.

My concentration and recall is still not where I want it to be, and Mrs. Eddie and I would not have a chance in hell of getting along happily if I hadn't become able to hear her point out something that I forgot and say "thank you for reminding me" without being hurt or threatened or angered by it. By getting away from a defensive stance, accepting my flaws, and wholeheartedly welcoming her reminders when I've dropped the ball (without expecting or demanding them, or blaming her when we both forget something), I've extended an invitation to her to work with me as a partner rather than a parent or inquisitor. Now there's no guarantee that Mrs. Hairdog will accept that invitation, but until you can extend it, you'll never be happily intimate with anyone.

Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 08/03/07 07:25 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.