I hope you get this before you go. Up down, sad and ok are the norm. You are upset about the money. I guess I would tell him that it is time to draw up a financial plan, a nice word for budget. Not to divorce, just something to work with while you are seperated as you need to get a handle on your finances. In the other move outs mine lived fairly frugal and I by no means lived well but I now I have the house to pay for. This time he splits his check right in half and he made a budget. I have more mortgage but he is paying his car and cc. It is tight. I would suggest that you do something like wise. It is not fair you are paying for the house and he will benefit from it either way. I know how you feel about telling him what to do, mine thinks I am controlling him or dictator to him.... I would take out of your account dollar for dollar what he has taken out for yourself and put it aside. I would then tell him that you will take the savings and split it or more likely I would try and get you to take 2/3 and him a 1/3. Your H has a problem with money as you stated and I guess he does not know what to do on his own and this is his entertainment and he is still living as he was when he was with you. Plus I think guys have a hard time saying to pals or whoever, I'm broke. Ego thing. Us women have no problem saying to friends I'm really broke or strapped and just can't spend 20 on eating out or tickets to something etc. My other thought is to just take all the money and let him get angry. He may be angry either way and you might as well benefit it from it for something big that will help ease your anxiety. He might get just as angry if you tell him that he can't spend, so you might as well just take the cash. I would take it and then tell him we will figure out how to divide when I get back. Tell him you want to talk about it with therapist together. I am guesssing money is an issue with you two overall. You are the responsible one. My concern is he will spend a lot while you are out of town.

I think it is good not to call him while you are home. It is tempting. Make that a goal. Even if you are hurting let him think you are doing fine. Maybe one phone call to check on the dog or you have a house issue. I bet he will call you. I deal with that continual as I miss him. I know you will have a good time, but you may get melancholy. Try hard not to follow your own heart. Well meaning family and friends may say things like honey just let him go, you don't need this etc. I can hardly tell my family any longer what is going on as they see me as so hurt and after all who would put up with 3 move outs! Family loves us and they hate to see us hurting so.

On my end I stupidly colored my own hair and it was such a dark ugly brown instead of auburn I had to go to my salon and have her put highlights in it and although it doesn't look bad, I had natural highlights before. I also used permanent color! What was I thinking. I was thinking I would save 70.00! I managed in the last 2 months to pay for it, I had to pay the same to fix it and I am not too thrilled. Thank goodness for my understanding hairdresser. This is just the kind of nutty thing you do in times like this.
I sent an email to H to sign agreement. He emailed me back that as far as he was concerned the verbal was good enough and he is sure we will have to fill out a legal version that requires signatures. He said he forgot to add issue about advancing me a retainer and he will rewrite it and send me a copy. We can use this to move forward with... He then said he needs to find an attorney to do Pro Se divorce as his other one does not do that. As soon as he finds one he will let me know. Please do likewise. This is the best part last sentence. It does not make sense to move forward before we are ready to proceed.

I am trying not to read too much into this. But I do, and I guess when I did the 180 and said lets set a date to file I think that made him step back. I also on the other hand think he is uncomfortable doing anything without an attorney. I told him previously we only need an attorney to look over the final paperwork, this is only half true but he doesn't need to know this. So more time bought, on his side. For someone who wants to move forward so far no filing. I just keep hanging on to not to give up and T tellimg me he doesn't think he is going to go thru with this. I talked in session about how I am so lonely and starting to go a little nuts. Isolating myself. Going to work on that.

When are you leaving? Have a good time. Hang in there. You are doing so well. He is curious about what you are up to by seeing your travel plans. Make sure he can't get on here and read what you are up to! Post when you get back or even from "back home" Terey