A lot going on in my life with the passing of my father and my sitch. Sadly I am here as a failure. It was all "way too little too late" as she told me.
The paperwork is moving between the lawyers fairly fluidly now. It's a matter of days or weeks now.
Her and I got into a fight on the phone today. She finally let go of all the anger she had towards me. She insulted me to the deepest levels. She knows how to push my buttons. And she did. She hit me in places that she controls well. My self esteem (she called me physically REPULSIVE), my abandonment issues from being a child (That she should have left me years ago and I was never good enough for her) and many many other things.
This has left me to the point where I have no hope. None. Every person I've ever cared about in this world has moved on or past me without even a thought...except my children. So I come back to the place I've always been. That I'm not good enough for anybody. I don't belong. I never will.
Since I don't belong I have to figure out how to forge a path for me in this world alone. I thought I had a soul mate. I was mistaken. There is none for me.
I come here to say goodbye to all my friends that tried to support me through this life changing and molding event in my life. If I could give you all hugs personally I would. Oh who am I kidding..I wouldn't. With my self esteem I wouldn't show up. But I still want to thank you for seeing me though some of my darkest days. For the support and encouragement even though it ends up I'm one of the biggest pieces of [censored] to walk the earth. But without you guys I probably would have been locked up in a mental health hospital. I may still end up there, but at least it will now be for me instead of her.
You may see me from time to time on "Surviving the Big D" but I dunno. I will probably just troll, it's safer that way.
Even though I'm a failure. DB is not a waste of time. It may or may not save your relationship. But in the end, the journey will make you grow and that is what is important.
I will not be re-checking this thread. I'm even debating on canceling my internet and moving to a cabin in the woods to live out my remaining days. But I couldn't leave without thanking all of you. Especially Jazz, 789, Amy, and UA. You made me feel like I belonged and was valued for real. Something I've been craving my entire life.
Goodbye.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
