Ok--help please. Talked to H just now "he'd like to maintain civility" <hmmm. How? For instance when he comes home to visit (whenever he feels llike it, OTR driver) since he's paying for the motorcycle he'd like to use it, I responded that I'm paying for it too (new toy before he dropped the B). So he'd take me for cycle rides...aint that nice? I love them, I'd love to go with him on them, but do I? My li mind thinks it's keeping the connection, but I'm sure you guys will say "Ah No, not a good idea" His OW is in jail so he can't see her yet, I mentioned that his offer of the cycle rides may change with her getting out. Just now he calls again and says he'll keep in touch -- so that I know he's safe.
Now...my S20 is in jail for MIP etc.. Tough love, he's staying there, but he calls to tell me that he doesn't want his dad to visit--he's very bitter. "after 24 yrs of marriage he wants nothing to do with his family??" S22 keeps quiet, he's disappointed in father of course. I can't find anything in the books about how to handle their feelings. At one point I want them mad at him, yet I know that's not right. I told them he's got to work out things on his own. How do I handle sons emotions?
It's just soooo hard to talk to him and get a grip that he's pushed me out of his life for the low clas OW. He's told S22 finace that he still loves me too. I know he does, yet he's had more contact with her than me.
I've got a call in to get the DB coach...hope she's got some insight on what I'm to do , or thoughts.
H is OTR driver - 48 Me 49 married 24yrs 2 sons, 22/20 H going thru MLC
As far as your sons are concerned....listen. It's up to their dad to either fix or not fix his R with them. You can't, don't try. DO listen if your boys want to talk. Just relecting back what they say (without judgement) will help them sort out how they feel. Remember, you don't have to express how you feel about H to them. That might make them feel like they have to choose sides and oh, the guilt and confussion that can bring up in them. Perhaphs a C would help them, but at their ages i don't know if that's something they'd want to persue.
Glad the call went well for you. ASny insights you'd like to share?
I've got a question--for those whose H's left--mine is an OTR driver, so he's not around...I plan on waiting to see if he files separation / divorce papers and since he hasn't mentioned either do I just take one day at a time? I mean as far as finances go...he's been great about it and I've reminded him time and time again that I will show where the money goes if he wants. I'm assuming til OW gets out of jail in a couple weeks, we will get along just fine, until she puts pressure on him. I plan to do what both the counselor/website, and Mr McDonalds advice to the fullest and hope H comes around to his senses.
I'm taking care of me, trying to shelf my emotions etc.
I'd just like some input from others what they did in this time frame, as far as communication, household things, life in general to do with H. Did you continue as H and Wife? Did you treat each other as friends? Mine has been very kind for the most part, guilt I'm sure. I'm not holding out that it will continue, sure wish a miracle would happen! But prayers help settle me. Thx
