Sandi...don't forget to post here and let us know how YOU are doing...thinking...acting...walking...
Helping others is only part of your journey now...you still need to post for yourself and keep active with your own situation here or you can get lost in others and....well...end up ignoring yours again...I guess this could become the "OM" if you let it...
You still need so much yourself to get through this...I was thinking about how you feel being in the same room with H and how you feel about even "thinking" about ML...I remember when my H came home he was quite the same way...he said when he would hug me inside he wanted to run...bolt...but he didn't because he had committed to working things out...eventually it started not being "so bad"...for many nights he couldn't sleep in the same bed...started out on the couch/living room floor...then eventually to a futon that was in my room for the kids to watch tv with me....to the end of the bed (no I am not kidding)...to finally next to me...but he hugged the edge of the bed like he was clinging to the edge of a cliff for dear life...eventually we started cuddling...and things progressed even though he still DID NOT LOVE ME....YET!...you see it took actions to bring back the love...or create a new love...I know it was hard for him...I know he didn't like it at first...now skip forward 18 months and he now rolls over to cuddle me...he kisses me in the morning when I leave for work...and sometimes when things are working for him he actually initiates ML now....
I am telling you this because I know it is so hard for you to imagine this for yourself...it is probably as hard to imagine for you as it is for the LBS's to imagine getting past all the "stuff" and for their S's to actually come to their senses...seeing the insanity sometimes is the most difficult thing to get past...
Also...baby steps start with movement...once you make the move...eventually the feelings will come...they won't magically appear...and remembering this and writing it really helped me put into perspective that "I" was not the only one struggling in our R/M...I can now see how hard it was for him to love me...at the time I was so absorbed in him "not loving" me that I couldn't see that...
I hope this helps you...maybe gives you some direction and hope...
But remember...you NEED to keep posting here...and don't worry about how long it is...just post!
