ARGH! What to do?

[yawmom]

Ok--help please.
Talked to H just now "he'd like to maintain civility" <hmmm. How? For instance when he comes home to visit (whenever he feels llike it, OTR driver) since he's paying for the motorcycle he'd like to use it, I responded that I'm paying for it too (new toy before he dropped the B).
So he'd take me for cycle rides...aint that nice? I love them, I'd love to go with him on them, but do I? My li mind thinks it's keeping the connection, but I'm sure you guys will say "Ah No, not a good idea"
His OW is in jail so he can't see her yet, I mentioned that his offer of the cycle rides may change with her getting out. Just now he calls again and says he'll keep in touch -- so that I know he's safe.

Now...my S20 is in jail for MIP etc.. Tough love, he's staying there, but he calls to tell me that he doesn't want his dad to visit--he's very bitter. "after 24 yrs of marriage he wants nothing to do with his family??"
S22 keeps quiet, he's disappointed in father of course.
I can't find anything in the books about how to handle their feelings. At one point I want them mad at him, yet I know that's not right. I told them he's got to work out things on his own. How do I handle sons emotions?

It's just soooo hard to talk to him and get a grip that he's pushed me out of his life for the low clas OW. He's told S22 finace that he still loves me too. I know he does, yet he's had more contact with her than me.

I've got a call in to get the DB coach...hope she's got some insight on what I'm to do , or thoughts.