Newbie ? How public was your spouse's affair?

[mkultra]

I'm crying. I have not yet typed while crying. I just had another aftershock. I saw a commercial for an online dating service so I peaked. Then I started thinking about my own profile. I feel as though I have custom tailored my whole being to only one soul mate, my H. Now I am supposed to start all over after 23 years of friendship? It is really strange because I know we came together because we were both so unique. We are both nonconformist, bicultural with traumatic childhoods and oddball taste in music and film. We were inseperable as children, always together. All my likes, and desires, and hobbies are intertwined with him. I have spent so much time being angry or bitter I have lost sight that he was so much more than a husband. He was my oldest friend from my childhood. Do you know what it is like to feel like a freak and then find that other freak who accepts you completely, more, loves you with all those flaws? I thought my crying days were over. I thought I could move on and GAL. Now that I see the type of people there are to date, Iknow I have lost my only chance at a soul mate. I don't see how he could replace me so easily. It sounds incredulous.