Plank/WAW, thread 2

[Heimlich]

Thanks, CVA. Kind of in that tired, but not sleepy yet state. Need to do mucho work tomorrow, so that ain't good.

Yes, my W has a hard time telling me how she feels. She's always had a hard time opening up to me, but she used to. I think as we got older I just got tired of having to pry it out of her all the time. Thinking about it, that might be one of the root causes for all of this. Actually, it is a major cause of our issues.

I'd like to say I was thinking rationally when I kept asking her why, but, in all honesty, I was just so frustrated and had just bared my soul to her that I thought she damn well owed me an answer to how she really felt. Even then, she can't give me a reason for WHYshe feels that way. She's funny that way. She operates by how she feels, but I don't think really understands how her feelings work. I mean, I've not always been a great husband and my greatest sin is sloth, but she keeps saying that she doesn't feel like she can DO anything when I'm around, that I suck the life out of her. I wish I had thought of it to say, but, really, I don't want that much responsibility for her happiness. Plus, we do a lot of stuff together as a family, and I bring up a lot. That reminds me, one of the things she said way back when the shiite hit the fan last Oct was that she wishes I were more outdoorsy. I want to LOL. I bought a pair of hiking boots two years ago and use them somewhat frequently. I love to hike in the woods/mountains, but nearly every time I've tried to plan a trip, she's always shot it down. Ditto for camping. In fact, I was looking into camping gear before we had our second child (stopped because couldn't afford it after). Would love to do more outdoorsy stuff with her, she just doesn't. Aaaaaggghhh, I married a crazy lady. It's almost like she's had to push be away so that she could be independent, even though I've never held or close or prevented her from doing a damn thing that she likes to do.

Grrrrrr. Ok, I'm stopping now. God help me, I'm still in love with this woman.

Looking back at the conversation, really, what harm could it have possibly done. We're going for our first D mediation on the 16th of this month. I made sure not to blame her for anything and kept the focus on me and how I felt. When she told me her feelings, I accepted and validated them (after all, she was about 85% right in her assessment).

Anyways, maybe it is time for some sleep.

BD