I have to admit I love reading your posts, they always seems to ground me. I can honestly say that I have given up on my M at this point. Though I haven't given up on my W yet. I still believe no matter what happens in the end, with or without me she can over come her demons and be the unselfish, compasionette woman/mother that I have loved all these years. My little girls deserve that from her.
Thanks for the advice on the emails. I am really thinking that I can trick her and her L somehow into getting me a more fair settlement. My L even told me that I can lose more then half since the difference in our income is so much and up until all this she has been a SAHM for the most part. It sucks that legally I can be punished for providing for my family all these years, it doesn't seem fair but that is the way it is.
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THIS IS FROM A WOMAN WHO LEFT HER H FOR OM...wth????
I know you said their M was bad for awhile, but is she starting to see the light? Would her H even want her back at this point? I know for me the more my W keeps pushing me away I have gotten to the point where I have accepted that there is nothing between the two of us and am now moving on. Sure I still would love to reconcile but at the same time I would like to meet a nice woman that will love and accept me for who I am. If I do meet some one they are going to have to be freakin awesome since I am now carrying around some pretty heavy baggage. My friend said something to me the other day that I hope is true: "Scott you are more then worth the baggage that your taken away from this". His point was that despite all the baggage that I may bring to a new relationship I am worth it and out weigh the baggage that I bring. I did have him clarify this so I do think that I understood him correctly. He and his W know my W and I well. I do not think he was just saying this to make me feel good.
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I guess I'm the optimist for you.
I am glad that you and others are because I am worn out. I do not know how...well I guess I do....but I do not have the emotional energy anymore to pray for my M like I once did. I have a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for my M like I once did....My W has done her best at pushing me away and throwing away the last ten years. I nolonger have the energy to be an optimist. In fact the head pastor of our church is trying to get in contact with my W, I today told my friend: "why? What good is it going to do? I think it will push her further away then it would to bring her back". But, like from you and others I need the encouragement to keep pushing me forward and holding me up, there might be a chance.
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I could see then that if we had divorced, they'd have been so hurt, I could not have done that to them.
Oh you must have missed a day of class in WAS 101, they would have told you that kids are resilent, they will bounce back. Besides life is not always going to be easy they need to learn to pick themselves up by the boot straps and forge ahead. I paraphrased a little but this is what my W has told me.
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I couldn't handle the image of my kids crying
This is what brought me down yesterday...Just replying to you now is bringing tears to my eyes. My D5 is already having a hard time with how much my W is now working and the fact that we all are rarely together. Just tonight at our neighbors house she told my friends W that she missed her mom and wished she did not have to work. She does not know yet, I cannot image how she is going to take this blow.
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Try hard to let HER be responsible for her stuff when it really belongs to her...don't save her.
This is in my nature and is hard for me. I have been doing this with my W for the most part. For me it is the struggle of loving her from afar or involving myself to much. As this sitch has progressed it has been a lot easier for me not to get involved with her business.
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Have you seen a c about this?
Kind of..... This is one of the topics that we discussed with my W C. The part that did not sit with me well is that her C wanted me to tell my girls that I thought D or S was best for them and my W and I. I do not believe that to be true at all and I do not want to be dishonest with my kids. I believe that there are somethings that are better left unsaid to them, but that is better then me not telling the truth. I honestly felt like my W's C was trying to make all this easier on my W then on my girls. I do realize that I see everything from the foggy lenses of the LBS glasses. I do try to take that into account when thinking through all of this.
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there are a lot of really good women out there, don't give up on all of us...
This board has shown this to me...I really do not know what is ahead of me but if there is someone else out there for me you ladies have shown me that I could put my trust in her and not have to walk on pins and needles.
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.heck, don't even totally give up on her yet. She'll always be the mother of your kids. You have to honor that, but you deserve the same from her.
I agree she is the mother of my two little angels(most of the time anyways) and there is a lot to be said for that. When friends and family have asked me how to handle and treat my W I always tell them: "She is and always will be the mother of my children. Try to love, respect, and treat her the way you always have treated her".
You are right I deserve to be honored and cherished by her or some else the way that I have my W. Everybody is going to do it differently but that needs to be apart of any healthy R.
