oh man, i'm sorry you went through that. i have heard the same things and i have said the same things. look, she wants to be heard, your a smart guy, read a lot, into history, well she isn't. she is a women that has needs and wants to feel emotions. trust me i'm the most anal guy i know, but you can't tell her these things.
what i did is let her talk, i heard it all. some of the things she said, i didn't do, some i don't remember doing, but don't doubt that i did, they fit the bill. but others, i did them and it really hurt her. what it comes down to, is for her, i did them all, i hurt her. when she talks just listen, mirror, validate and emphatize. i don't care if she says your the worst person in the world, don't argue. don't persuate, don't try and drive. it will sting.
but the good news, sorry for all of that, is once she passes that, and gets that layer out of the way, your going to hear that she is scared and unsure. you have to let her get past it, her anger is driving and by talking to her your helping her hold it. just listen.
