welcome to the alien world of your wife....the grandma's funeral and her response, if it's as unlike her as I suspect, is a perfect example...how rude of the grandmother to encroach upon your wife's plans....
okay, so the thing about the passion and sex isn't a small thing. You said she had a low sex drive after the first born, but obviously that has changed. Hence the cleavage at work, and younger man...as for the cialis, does she know you're onto that? I mean, sorry to be blunt, but does she know that the "issue is resolved" and that you are very attracted to her and willing and able to please her? Sorry if this is too personal, but wth? Here we are.
BTW, Vernetta is my coach, and I'm moving next week...back into the M full time...there are lots of issues and it isn't all resolved and smooth. I still see some cluelessness on my h's part, and I have to calmly tell him when only HIS needs are met (like for the move, I am doing about oh....97% of the work) and that he needs to step up to the plate. But I do have to say it as lovingly as possible which was an issue for me in the past-too much anger from the past. Vernetta was very helpful to me. Heck, she still is helpful and I have a session coming up with her. I expect to be talking to her for at least another year or two and then maybe for subsequent "tune ups".
Hating your wife DOES help with the detaching. You just cannot show or tell her. I had to bite my tongue so much when H was either spewing or revising the M, or giving ME a hard time and HE had done the leaving......OMG, so, I did a lot of forgiveness work and still am doing it, every day. I read some books by Marianne Williamson about forgiveness, "Return to Love", "Handling ANger" or words to that effect. Those books helped me to deep from being consumed by my anger. Doesn't matter that the anger is "right" b/c it kills US...and the WAS doesn't even know the pain so it does no good for us to stay in our place of pain. That trip to Italy did so much for ME, and for the kids...and in hindsight, was only a month or two before my h started waking up, come to think of it...hmmm. Food for thought. Do some more 180's, and do them for YOU...life is short and this isn't a dress rehearsal. What if your life were a novel? Who is writing yours? How is this chapter going? HOw do you want it to go now?
TS Eliot wrote something I found applicable, over 50 years ago, and I'm paraphrasing:
Half the harm done in this world is done by people wanting to feel important. They do not intend the harm, but it does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it in their endless struggle to think well of themselves..."
Stay strong and model for your children, what a dignified man does when life hands him a betrayal or setback. They will face them too, and they need to know that the pain you are feeling is not eternal or fatal.
btw, Are you alright financially? j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
