he said it wasn't enough that my roomate(ex-bf) move out, that he neeeds to move to another state. I can not make him do this. There is only so much that is under my control...
What you have said is true; you cannot control that person. What you CAN control, is you. If you're serious about rebuilding things, and if he is serious that he, you and OM cannot be in the same state.. then you can offer that you and your ex-H move to another state.
it's not that uncommon, in situations where physical affairs happened. and make no mistake, you had a physical affair. you were married.
(and heck, even if you started screwing him AFTER you were fully divorced... i could still understand the feelings of your husband, not wanting you anywhere near this other man ever again)
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I told him how I felt on a number of things that bothered me. Like how he didn't want counseling until we were divorced...not when we were married.
Umm.. "get over it", and just be happy that he wanted it at all. If you're going to be resentful about past behaviours, the only thing it does is hurt you and your marriage. What should matter to you, is his current and future behaviours.
If he didnt change, you wouldnt want to live with him, would you? So rather than complaining, "you've changed",, be HAPPY he has changed?!!!
Last edited by Dom R; 08/02/0709:23 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
