There and Back

[SallyM]

it never rains but it pours. okay, h just called. he had the final meeting with the possible new job and I think he's going to take it. finally got the offer in writing and such, and its a good one...we think. so hard to know sometimes. the $$$ sounds good, and there is a fun perk (well, for him, not one I'll see unless we stay together). big lifestyle change with it...its an office job, something he hasn't had in a very, very long time. which wouldn't be an altogether bad thing if we stay together, and probably doesn't matter if we don't. the only thing I see it will do is lose him his therapy. his therapist doesn't have after work hours, so he'll give it up I'm sure.

a little freaked on some of the changes it will mean for us. a little freaked because its a new industry, not one he's currently in (and has been in for many years now). I'm scared because there is so much up in the air and new for us right now, that adding yet another thing is taking me far, far out of my comfort level.

but hey, at least he actually talked to me about it. and we weighed the ups and downs just like we have always done with every job switch. the thing that sticks out is I asked some questions (what happens to the pension? and such) and he always refers to it as HIS money. now, I know it isn't, and I know I get half of it and such, but still, I'm very sensitive to stuff like that.

OT, does anybody know what happens to a pension when you leave a company? his current one has a pension (he's fully vested), the new one has a 401k. do you roll the $$ into the 401k, or into an IRA/Roth IRA or something?

I guess I wish with all that is going on, I wish I knew his mind...what he is thinking in terms of us. is this over, do we need to use bonus for the divorce, or is this not necessarily over so we can put part of bonus down on a car for him?

so many questions...so little in my control. wow, is that hard for me.

and the thing is, I am proud of him for his accomplishments. even told him so. but the reality is, I dont get to celebrate them with him. not like we're going to go out and celebrate the new job (should he take it). because, and i need to remind myself of this, he doesn't want me. he's chosen another. he'll be celebrating with her.

since I don't get to be that one, can/should i do something different...get him a card, I don't know. just telling him I'm happy for him/proud of him was probably more than enough. but this is where it sucks all over again. because I want to do all the things I would have done were we still together. but the truth is, we aren't.

so do I just treat him like an aquaintence? just, "congrats" and leave it at that?