Wow! I sure feel supported now. I have thought a lot about the posts and this situation with OW and H. Many of you who have said that I am giving her too much power, are right! I don't know how that happened again. I was doing better at working on my own life and not getting so caught up in their drama.

I have much to work on for myself. I have to work on forgiveness and patience because I am in tis for the long haul. I don't intend to stand for 3 years and then give up who ridiculous would that be.

I have to work on my Master's degree. I have until 2011 to get 18 credits or I won't be able to renew my teaching license.

My S17 is a senior now and I want to enjoy what time I have left with him. I have to plan an open house for him and it is going to be a challenge to pay for it but I will do it.

It saddens me to think how this time can never be gotten back for S17 so despite the sadness of not having his father at home with him, I have to make it a good year for him. I guess when H come back home, we will have to do our best to make it up to him.

I have to work on getting more weight off (I have gained about 5 to 10 pounds since I quit smoking) and taking better care of myself.

I have house project that I need to finish. I have some things I need to have fixed and some woodwork to strip and several rooms to paint.

It is time for me to totally turn H over to God to work on. I have to stop second guessing everything I do. I am still standing for my marriage but there is nothing I can do to accomplish that right now. I can be friendly and occasionally let him know that I am still here if the opportunity arises but I have to concentrate on me and my family.

The sadness will come and go and the day they move in together I will really suffer because his lease runs out the same weekend as my birthday because he moved out 2 years ago the day before my birthday.

I still believe on the things that makes this the hardest for me is that OW was supposed to be my friend, too. So, I was betrayed by her as well as H and another gf has taken OW's side although she keeps pretending that she hasn't.

Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.